Living Lohan
Acting Up

Episode Report Card
Angel Cohn: D+ | 1 USERS: F
YOU GRADE IT
So Over It

Nana says she used to go on auditions with Lindsay, back in the day, and Lindsay was composed and did her thing and didn't act like a whining spoiled brat. The entire car ride, Ali complains that she doesn't feel good. Over and over and over again. I'm starting to get nauseous.

Ali thinks there's pressure on her to show people what she can do. There is something weird going on with her eyebrows and I'm really curious to see what she looks like without full makeup. When I was 14 my makeup consisted of blue eye shadow and hot pink lipstick. I may have looked ridiculous, but at least I didn't look like I was 14 going on 40.

They arrive at the random strip mall-looking place where the auditions are being held. Some uber-perky blonde woman (Tina? Trina?) squeals and ushers Dina and Nana to the green room while she tries to whisk Ali off to the actual audition. Ali basically cries for her mommy at this point. Dina pushes her to go on her own. Dina THs that she thinks Ali's worried that she'll be judged because she's living in her sister's shadow. Um, really? Isn't that what this entire show is based on? Maybe I'm missing something... like a few brain cells that I lost watching this crap.

Ali meets the director and producer. She sits down and they ask if she has any questions about her character motivation. She sure does. Despite reading the script the day before, she asks what the plot is. Director dude asks, "Is it complicated?" I about died laughing. Seriously. But director dude (John, I think, since he apparently doesn't merit a nice little name tag on screen while he's talking) seriously explains about the fairy guarding against dark magic. He's got pictures. She's acrobatic and skilled. Um, has he met Ali?

She asks if there'll be any green screen, but mostly she just looks like she wants the hell out of there and away from the large, enthusiastic nerd who is explaining the inner workings of Troll to her. They briefly show producer guy (who is wearing a hairpiece from the Donald Trump collection) and he's nodding enthusiastically as director dude talks about post-production in China and filming in Vancouver. I begin to let my mind wander... which makes me wonder if the poor people in China and Canada really know what they are getting into, and if they resent being sent crap like this, or if they just take the money and laugh at the stupid American studios who pour cash into this dreck.

On to the reading. Ali's freaked because people are staring at her. Perky blonde lady is sitting on the ground reading while Ali's holding her script and slouching in front of the green screen. She sounds exactly like Ali. Director dude asks her to make it broader and to "articulate each word" and to "make it delicious." Someone needs to lower his expectations, and also be careful about what he says to a 14-year-old.

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Living Lohan

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