Living Lohan
Acting Up

Episode Report Card
Angel Cohn: D+ | 1 USERS: F
So Over It

She's a fairy (or something) who is transformed into a "hottie teen." Michael tries to hype the film too. I swear I see Dina paying him off under the table. Nana says it is going to be better than Harry Potter. Give Nana an Emmy now since she's the real actress in the family. Or not. Nana gets to the part about the good sprites fighting off the forces of demons and ogres or some shit and even she can't believe that Dina's pimping out her daughter for this one. I can. Have you seen the nightmare that is Herbie: Fully Loaded? I'm still scarred from that one. Anyway, Michael, the voice of reason, says that Ali needs to suck it up and get to work. Cue eye rolling. Work? You've got to be kidding.

I really want a pool with a waterslide. I know that seems random, but I've wanted one since 90210 when they went to like David's grandma's house in Palm Springs. So now that I see the Lohans have one, I'm all jealous again. This may seem off topic, but there's got to be a reason the editor's keep showing these random shots. Is it supposed to show us how Ali is working so hard that she doesn't have time to enjoy the spoils of being rich and pseudo-famous? Probably. It just makes me want a waterslide, or a basketball hoop.

Ali's in her massive unmade bed surrounded by pillows, reading the script (which seems pretty short) and pouting. She's "not feeling comfortable." She goes to her brother asking for help running lines. He TH's that the last time he did this was a while ago with Lindsay. Yeah, yeah, we know all about Lindsay. According to Michael, Ali loves acting and singing equally. I'm sure she's equally good at both of them.

Ali thinks the role she's going for is that of a girl who gets possessed by a troll. Michael observes that, wow, she's got to do two characters -- her and her possessed. Running lines... they seem to be both the same. This is not at all like Freaky Friday or The Parent Trap where Lindsay gave her two characters distinct personalities. All these personalities are Ali. Worse still is Michael's line-reading. I know he's not auditioning, but it is beyond monotone. Ali, meanwhile, can't even read the lines. I can't... I have to stop for a minute and take a break because I'm laughing uncontrollably and driving my officemate nuts. I just... Did these kids ever consider a different career path? It isn't too late.

Ali THs that she's nervous about what the director and producer are going to think of her. Here's what I think they'll think:

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Living Lohan




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