Line of Fire
Pilot

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Pilot

Outside the makeshift wake, Donovan introduces Roy to Malloy. Before getting to the pleasantries, though, Malloy tells Donovan that revenge for Charlie would be a very bad idea. Donovan agrees, and they finally turn their attention to hot, hot Roy. "You come with high recommendations from low places," Malloy says. Roy manages not to roll his eyes as Malloy tells him that he's sure Roy's all evil and shit, but that they need to do their "due diligence" before he can start doing their scut work.

Over at Quantico, Leslie Bibb -- I'm sorry, "Paige Van Doren, FBI Trainee" -- is taking a test. She looks up and stares at this totally hot guy toward the front of the room. He's title-carded as "Todd Stevens, FBI Trainee," and he appears to be glancing at his neighbor's test.

Later, in the lab, Todd is all minding his own beeswax when Paige comes tearing in and really lets her sanctimonious freak flag fly, which is a great way to make the audience totally hate your character right off the bat. "I saw you cheat on the test today," she announces. Todd calmly tells her that she didn't see anything. "And what we you doing looking my way during the test anyway?" he asks. Well, Todd, you're hot. Face it. Then Paige launches into this annoying bit about the honor code and that's why their tests are unproctored and blah blah blah, Paige, I've only known you for, like, two minutes, but for the love of God, would you please shut up? Todd doesn't even roll his eyes, but just tells her to save her "self-righteous indignation for the bad guys," "You're a cheater, Todd!" Paige squeals. He tells her to keep her voice down, and explains that he "glanced at a paper," but didn't cheat. Paige looks constipated. "I'll never do it again. Can we live happily ever after now?" Todd asks. "Do you have any respect for where you are?" Paige screeches. "Help me understand. This is not high school. We are all grown-ups. This is real," Paige says, and she continues in this vein, but I can't listen anymore because I already can't stand the sound of her voice. She says something irritating to the effect that "no cheater should be allowed to keep this nation safe," and Todd is basically like, "Look, I'm busy. Leave me alone, freakshow." Paige then shakes her head at him for, like, twenty minutes, and then walks off. Man, I hate her. No, I mean I really, really hate her.

Back at FBI HQ, Sampson and Amiel are standing by the coffee machine and talking about how Amiel can't handle watching his buddy Bert getting buried when Lisa comes in and tells them that "Crazy Jazz" is waiting for them in the conference room. Amiel acts all squirrelly, and Lisa is all, "Can you handle this, or what?" and Amiel swears he can, and he and Sampson do this thing where they both knock on the countertop a couple of times and then head off. Lisa looks steely. Dear Leslie Hope: Please go back to your pixie cut or make hair and wardrobe give you a wig. Because you're better than this hair. Thanks. Love, The World.

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Line of Fire

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