Line of Fire
Pilot

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Jessica: C- | Grade It Now!
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Pilot

Over in the Feds' car, Shell gets the bullet on the Malloy sitch from Lisa. Dear God, what is up with Lisa's hair? She's got a femullet. That's just wrong. Shell wants to know why they can't just shut Malloy down. You'd think the FBI Director would know that...you know, it's not always that easy. Lisa explains that they're building a strong case, but that they're not ready to close in on him yet. "When we are, I assure you, all his walls will come tumbling down." I think I read about that in Sunday school. Lisa keeps yammering on about their plans, but is interrupted by her cell phone. "Good," she tells the caller. "Is everyone assembled? Where is Sampson?"

Turns out Sampson is in a traffic jam with her husband and two kids in the car. The kids are bickering, and the next thing you know, her husband hits the car in front of them. Just a fender bender, nothing serious, but there's a whole lot of yelping and yipping from everyone in the car. Mr. Sampson gets out of the car to talk to the dude he hit, and the dude gets all surly and the next thing you know, the boys are all getting testosterone-y (New! From Chef Boyardee!) and start shoving each other. Sampson leaps out of the car. "Nah nah nah nah nah Batmom!" the boy spawn sings. Sampson draws her FBI badge and throws the dude to the ground, telling Mr. Sampson, "Look, we really got to get the kids to school, okay?" "Well, there go my balls," Mr. Sampson thinks. Title card: "Jennifer Sampson, FBI Special Agent, Richmond Division." I really didn't know that you were allowed to use your authority as a federal agent for this kind of thing. For one thing, the Sampsons were totally at fault as far as the accident went. Second, wrestling this guy to the ground seems a little...extreme. Not to mention that I think that kind of behavior totally opens the Bureau up to lawsuits for...you know, unprovoked use of force or something. Mr. Sampson quietly makes Sampson let the dude up, and everyone climbs back into the car. "Girls rule," the girl spawn announces. I know some people on the forums liked that line, but I hate, hate, hated it. For one thing, can't the girls on this show just rule without having a tertiary character announce that they rule? Second, while God knows I am a big fan of the ass-kicking female character, I don't know that teaching your daughter that you ought to bully people when you're actually in the wrong "rules" at all. And while I am not the sort of person who cares at all if someone calls me a "girl" -- because I still feel like one -- I think that by the time you have two kids, you're technically a woman. Anyway. I guess the other reason I hated that line was that I feel like this show is trying so very hard to be all "Girls Rule!" because the producers think that's what the audience wants to see, not because they really believe it. Because otherwise, I don't think we'd be getting hit over the head with it so hard. It would just be accepted fact, the way it is on, say, Alias.

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Line of Fire

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