Line of Fire
Boom, Swagger, Boom

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B | Grade It Now!
Boom, Swagger, Boom

Previously: Bert, Bert, Bert. He's not dirty. Is he dirty? He's not dirty. Jennifer has family issues. Lisa drinks a lot.

Open on a limo pulling up a long driveway. Said driveway is attached to Malloy Manor, and just a week after I asked for an exterior shot! Thanks, guys. The place is pretty posh, too. Anyway, Roy watches as the Malloys greet an affluent-looking Asian couple and head inside.

Split-screen to a bar, where Lisa smokes as she drinks. The bartender -- a cute guy in dreads who looks vaguely like Hootie, of Blowfish fame -- comes over. "Thought you were gonna quit," he grins. Lisa shrugs. "Takes the guesswork outta dying," she says, and asks him to hit her again. He does, and disappears, and she stares at the guy across the bar from her. "Do I know you?" she asks. "I don't know. Would you like to?" he responds. I think they're talking Biblically, people.

And I guess the answer is yes, because the next thing you know, we're at Lisa's house and she's unbuckling Bar Guy's belt. She and the stranger proceed to have sex. This scene is pretty hot for network television, up to and including: the implication that Lisa's blowing him (the recapper said delicately); Leslie Hope in her skivvies; tons of rolling around; and the stranger tying Lisa to the bedpost. Mid-tie, Lisa thinks to ask the guy's name. "Jack McCall," he tells her. "There's a condom in the drawer, Jack McCall," she responds, teaching all the kids in the audience that it's okay to take a stranger home and let him tie you up as long as you practice safe sex and cross your fingers that he's not a serial killer. Not that I have anything against one-night stands, or anything. I mean, if that's your bag. I'm not saying it is my personal bag. Although I'm not saying that it's not know what? I'm going to shut up now.

Split-screen to Malloy's house, where Mr. And Mrs. Affluent Asian Couple are eating with the Malloys. They drink to "a healthy relationship," and Janet starts yapping about New York and maybe she can visit them and then they can shop and blah blah blah, and instead of throwing a dinner roll at his wife to shut her up, Malloy forces Janet to show "Kim" the greenhouse so that Malloy can show Mr. Affluent Asian Couple the dead body of one of Mr. AAC's deep, dark enemies. "I can't believe you found this asshole," Mr. AAC spits, and I find it interesting that you can say "asshole" on ABC now, especially since, this summer, I was working on an ABC show and we were specifically told we could not use the word "asshole," and had to, in fact, bleep it out, which led to a meeting wherein we were forced to decide which was funnier: "bleephole" or "assbleep." (We agreed on "bleephole.") And then ABC told us that we also had to blur out the mouths of anyone saying "bleephole," so no clever lip-reading audience member would be offended. Although I guess the argument would be that this is Hard-Hitting Gritty Drama Like The Sopranos And If We Can't Say "Fuck," We Need to Get "Asshole." Standards And Practices fascinate me, and I don't mean that sarcastically. It's interesting. Anyway. Where was I? "I told you I would," Malloy says. Behind him, Blair and Donovan look proud. "I believe I owe you a million dollars," Mr. AAC says. Malloy looks pleased. Ah, doing the dirty work for other, scarier mobsters? This I can buy from Malloy. A low-level Mafioso, offing people for a fee, and to curry favor? Way more believable than anything else we've seen him do so far.

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Line of Fire




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