Las Vegas
Pros And Cons

Episode Report Card
Sobell: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Danke Schoen, Wayne

Meanwhile, Wayne Newton is singing "Suspicious Minds," to the beaming delight of Cosme and Leonor. Cosme is singing along.

As Wayne sings about how they can't go on with suspicious minds, Danny and Shelly rip off their clothes and commence screwing like barnyard animals. I'm thinking that this whole thing was shot while the show-runners still worried about having to wrest viewers away from Skin -- there's a lot of elaborate lingerie and so on. There is also a nice detail: someone has gone to the trouble of giving Danny a USMC tattoo.

Anyway, the camera switches back just as Wayne starts in on how they're caught in a trap, and we see him wooing people in the audience. Incidentally, I read that this is usually the second song in a Wayne Newton show, and he kisses an estimated 45 women during the number. Given that he performs 240 shows a year, that's 10,800 kisses. I hope his lips are insured, or he at least has some ergonomic expert making sure he doesn't get the nasolabial equivalent of carpal tunnel syndrome.

Then we're back to Shelly's complicated lingerie.

For the next few minutes, we see the Wayne Newton show intercut with the Danny-and-Shelly show. Danny, it would appear, is a big fan of women on top, if his track record on this show is anything to go by.

Wayne makes eyes at a giggling Leonor, and asks Cosme to sing along. To everyone's shock and delight, Cosme has quite a nice set of pipes, so Wayne brings him onstage and they finish the song as a duet. Standing in the audience, Mary laughs with a lot of pleasure. Some guy who looks like Bachelor Bob: The Botox Years comes in and asks Mary who's singing. She replies, "That's Cosme, from Fresno." Cosme from Fresno has no idea how lucky he is to be invited onstage at a Wayne Newton show, as opposed to the Amazing Jonathan's. That's a show that would leave the down-on-his-luck Cosme hanging himself with his shoelaces at the end of the evening. Here, however, Cosme brings down the house with his finish on "Suspicious Minds."

Speaking of suspicious minds -- and, in this case, of people who don't have them -- Danny is trying a little change of pace by leaning down to kiss Shelly when his cell phone rings. Shelly implores him to ignore it. He checks the readout, and tells her, "If it were anyone else, I would." It's worth noting that he's still wearing his watch. Shelly must be losing her touch. Danny answers the phone, and Big Ed tells him he just heard about a diamond bracelet being lifted in the ladies' room at Peel, continuing, "It seems this woman was crying about an abusive boyfriend, the victim was giving her a sympathy hug, ten minutes later, she noticed the bracelet's gone. Height, weight -- everything matches that girl that ripped off Delinda." Is Big Ed ever motivated by a crime that doesn't involve Delinda? Danny suddenly puts two and two together, courtesy of a lot of flashbacks to how he met Shelly, and tells Big Ed, "I'm all over it." Heh.

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Las Vegas

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