Las Vegas
Pros And Cons

Episode Report Card
Sobell: B+ | Grade It Now!
Danke Schoen, Wayne

Zoom, zoom went the lens on the screen, and zing, zing went the strings of my heart.

Oh, not really. That'll happen when Ben Browder appears as Danny's troublemaking older brother -- and how relieved are you to have my Browder plea over with in the first three sentences of the recap? -- but the camera is zooming. It zips in through the Montecito's front door and on to a big pile of chips a dealer is pushing across the table. A Filipino couple checks out the stack with more than a little interest. The roulette wheel dealer throws the ball and spins the wheel and the man says, "I see red." You know, with that little moustache he's got going on, this could easily get weird and gory where he sees red and then there's a bloodbath over by the nickel slots. Big Ed could comp the survivors.

Anyway, this guy sees red, so he moves his mountain of chips to a red slot. The wife sees a bad idea. This guy sees more red. She sees a chance to move the chips back, but the dealer checks her, reminding her that betting is off when the ball's in play. By this point, Mister Moustache is repeating, "I see red! Red! Red! Red!" and he is one octave away from sounding like Danny wandering around the Overlook chanting, "Red rum! Red rum! Red rum!" We go to a computer-generated shot of the ball rolling around the rim and shouting, "Whee! I love centrifugal force! Or is it centripetal force? I'm all dizzy! I can't remember! Wheee!" and then the ball passes out in a black spot.

Well. Now Mrs. Moustache is seeing red. She stalks off lest she turn into one of those women who Makes A Scene in public, and stops in the middle of the casino floor, realizing that the evil design geniuses who put this casino together did so precisely to disorient people so they'd wander around, spending more time than they intended to and therefore dropping a lot of money. Fortunately for her, Mary happens to be hovering nearby. The shorter woman asks Mary if she knows where the restroom is, and Mary says she'll walk Mrs. Guest Plot on over herself. Oh, Mary, that's your second mistake. Your first was letting the editorial staff of FHM magazine dress you in the morning.

Mary then makes her third mistake by asking if Mrs. Guest Plot is having a good time. "I was. And then my husband saw red," she says non-sequiturially. Mary plasters a grin on her face and keeps on strolling along.

Cut to a well-appointed ladies' room where someone is sitting on a couch in the lounge and sobbing dramatically. Delinda wanders on over, then does a double-take -- possibly because this woman looks like a hideous fashion Don't. Delinda asks if the woman's okay, and the woman lies unconvincingly that she's fine. Delinda sits down and asks, "Are you sure? 'Cause you don't look fine. That pleather motocross jacket and your 1998 dot-com nerd glasses totally clash with your soccer mom hair." "Oh, yeah? I'm not the one who needs to drag a comb through her hair before finding a twelve-step program for tanorexia," the woman shoots back. Or maybe this scene only includes Delinda being all solicitous. Anyway, the Don't fake-sobs, "My boyfriend." Delinda rolls her eyes and speed-mumbles, "Don't even get me started on men. We'll be here all day." Somewhere, Danny looks up, stricken by the sudden and irrational fear that a group of women are about to make fun of him. More than usual, that is. Anyway, Delinda hands over a Kleenex, and the Don't gives a big, model-radiant grin as she takes it. Then the Don't asks the question that would make a sane person back down: "Ever have one try to kill you?"

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Las Vegas




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