Kitchen Nightmares
Secret Garden

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C- | Grade It Now!
Secret Garden

Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 53

Well, I suppose it's only fitting that the final episode of Kitchen Nightmares has some of the most swearing. There was a certain segment that garnered no less than twenty bleeps!

On tonight's season finale, we go back to California (Moorpark, to be precise) where vineyards, golf courses, and McMansions supposedly abound. The chef in charge of Secret Garden is French -- accent and all -- and is shown to have a temper and a fair amount of arrogance. One of the servers, a fish 'n' chippy named Jane, says that Chef Michel can be difficult to work with. One of the cooks -- in an effort to substantiate Ramsay's later opinion of the place -- says that the restaurant is not hip or happening and that it's more a place you take your grandma for a meal. (Cut to a wrinkled blue-hair forking up an early-bird special.) As is the way with this show, Chef Michel is losing money and he's depressed about it.

After getting off an Amtrak train, Ramsay is shown to have extreme difficulty in finding the entrance to the restaurant. Several doors are locked, and he only gains entrance via the door to the outside marked "Restrooms." Ramsay then quietly calls out in the deserted dining room, "Hello? Is anybody here?" Oh, and the d├ęcor is all lace and painted teacups and fussy lamps and "French" "antiques," like the giant Mr. Toad wearing a suit and holding a menu blackboard that will give me nightmares until the end of my days. Ramsay meets Chef Michel, bitches about the hard-to-find entrance, and sits down to have lunch. He snarks that the place feels like Buckingham Palace, and it's decidedly NOT a compliment. (Don't tell the Queen!) He decides the menu is overblown, and won't order the crab dish when he learns it's canned. Ramsay does reluctantly order a salad that has egg, asparagus, grilled garlic shrimp, and strawberries, but sends it back, saying the shrimp is stone cold and undercooked. Next, Ramsay tucks into a signature Secret Garden dish of Roquefort-stuffed beef fillet with shoestring potatoes. Ramsay hates it: the beef is tough, the carrots are undercooked, and the shoestrings are "like a big, overgrown ball of hair, deep fat-fried." Hoark. Ramsay gets up from his seat saying, "Nightmare at Grandma's house. Fuck me. Thank God she's dead." For so many reasons. Ramsay then visits Chef Michel and tells him how awful his food is. Chef Michel tells him, "That's a matter of opinion," which Ramsay does not take kindly to, blasting him with profanity and insults. Outside the restaurant, Ramsay notes, "He's so far up his own ass, he can't even breathe any more."

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Kitchen Nightmares




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