Kitchen Nightmares

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B- | 3 USERS: A+
Lord Of The Flies

Gordon Ramsay's Bleep-O-Fucking-Meter: 47

Best Insult of the Night: "General Manager? General Toss-Pot!"

Standing atop a New York skyscraper, Ramsay points down at a restaurant that desperately needs his help. It's Dillons, the place that spawned a lawsuit (tossed by the judge into arbitration) that made Ramsay say: "This is supposed to be the most powerful nation in the world, not the most pathetic."

He's not wrong.

Just in case you're interested in Dillons' cuisine, Martin, the general manager helpfully informs us, "This is an American-Irish restaurant with Indian…ness connected to it." What cuisine do the flies come from? Because they appear to be everywhere. Andrew, the operations manager, says they "lurch between catastrophe and disaster." Mohammad, the owner -- and, assumingly, the "Indian…ness" component of the joint -- says that his wife and family started the restaurant to make a new life for themselves, but it wasn't going so well, so they hired Martin. The staff demonstrates confusion about who does what and then we get introduced to yet another manager. He's the floor manager and his name? KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! Khan doesn't like to work there because everything is "so messed up." Andrew thinks that in an "ideal world," Martin would be an ongoing character in a reality TV series. But the world is not ideal, so this will be a one-off for him. Andrew goes on about his duties, which include making sure everything "runs," fixing things (we get a shot of a folded napkin leveling off a table leg), and "making sure there is toilet paper to wipe your butt with." And with that lovely thought in mind, we cut to a shot of extremely unappetizing food thumped congealingly in a pan. Yum. But see, that shot is to show us that Andrew also has to cook at times because the Indian cooks -- cut to loud Indian talking and fires flaring on the stove to underscore what? The Indian…ness? -- don't know how to make American food. Jenna, the waitress, wrinkles her pierced nose at the fly problem and the cleanliness of the kitchen. The lack of cleanliness, that is. However, even as he dodges a fly, Martin says, "the problem has been eradicated now." Mohammad isn't quite thinking along those lines because they are losing twenty to thirty thousand dollars a month and he will do whatever "God and Ramsay ask [him] to do to make the place successful."

Speaking of God, he strides out of the London restaurant just two blocks away from the health hazard of the night. As he approaches Dillons, he balks at the horrifically ticky-tacky scoreboard-like sign running text like, "authentic cuisine" on top of Dillons' awning. As Martin greets Ramsay, Ramsay notes that the name "Dillons" doesn't sound especially Indian. Martin agrees. After meeting the rest of the staff, Ramsay sits down to order, swatting flies. He can't believe the size of the menu with all the various cuisines, and asks sarcastically, "Are you always this busy at lunch?" "Actually, it's a little busy today," Jenna cracks back, telling us that there are days where no one comes in. Gordon places his order and waits. Martin tells us he is anticipating great success because they have "great service" and "great food." Ramsay whispers to the camera about the hospital-like curtains serving as walls, "That's where the customers go after coming out of this restaurant."

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Kitchen Nightmares




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