Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

Episode Report Card
Joe R: B+ | Grade It Now!
Suck It, Jesus, Kathy's a Billionaire Matchmaker!

Kathy E-mail Watch: Zip. Who does a guy have to pretend to make out with for paparazzi photos to get some attention around here?

Kathy's opening stand-up snippet is all about Woz and his perpetual cluelessness. I would think that would be a bottomless well of material there. Back at the house, Kathy gathers Team Griffin to tell them that she's been asked to speak in front of a class at USC business school, due to her kick-ass managerial skills. "Such as?" is Jessica's not unreasonable question. It turns out that the professor is gay and a fan and asked her to speak. ...Yeah, that does tend to explain it. It also makes Kathy wonder if this is a "gay business" class or not. I wouldn't know -- I tend to keep my gay business to myself. Kathy says that they're going to help a lot of people this week, so Team Griffin should get their PowerPoint presentations ready. My prediction is that Jessica's PowerPoint presentation will be thrity-seven consecutive slides of her flipping the bird.

In keeping with the agreed-upon formula, the Team Griffin meeting is followed by the Maggie Griffin consultation/wine-tasting. They're talking about Woz, and Kathy's reading some emails he's sent her. In one he talks about one of his dogs making off with a loaf of garlic bread he brought home from the Old Spaghetti Factory. Kathy asks Maggie if it's weird that a billionaire would eat at the Old Spaghetti Factory, but Maggie thinks it's refreshing. Though Maggie quickly adds that if she had a billion dollars, that would not be her choice. If Maggie Griffin had a billion dollars at her disposal, the world would be so terribly awesome. Kathy continues to rail about Woz's small-potatoes retail and dining ambitions: Costco. Bob's Big Boy. Suits from the Men's Wearhouse. "Ooh!" Maggie perks up, "Your dad used to have some suits from Men's Wearhouse -- they're very nice." "Dad didn't have a billion dollars!" Kathy yells. Maggie just doesn't want Kathy to blow this simply because she's too good for Costco and Bob's Big Boy. "I don't want to go to Bob's Big Boy," Kathy wails in her interview. "I'm with a billionaire; I want to go to Fancytown. Or the Fancy Buffet." She almost cracked up at that last one. I love those moments.

Kathy phones the Gay Professor to find out what's the what for this USC thing. She interviews that -- shocker -- she's going to cater her whole talk towards gay business, because if everyone ran their business like the gays do, there would be no war. Or something. Gay Prof tells Kathy that his class is made up of juniors and seniors (of legal drinking age, he says), and Kathy says she's going to run some of their pre-submitted questions by Woz.

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Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List




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