Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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A Star-Studded Spectacular

So the next thing you know, Kathy and Lily are in Lily room. In her bed. Woo-woo! Lily thinks Kathy has a shot at winning. Until she learns that Carlin's nominated, and then Kathy just rates a pat on the wrist and a sympathetic noise. On learning that Whoopi is the only other woman who's won, Lily deadpans, "I'm sure she shouldn't have won." Ha! Actually, that was back when Whoopi was funny. See, I've got this theory that Comic Relief sucked all the funny out of the three main organizers, who were Whoopi Goldberg, Robin Williams, and Billy Crystal. Before 1986, they were all funny. You kids will have to trust me.

Sorry. Got distracted. Kathy is grilling Lily. Lily admits that she's slept with a guy, but denies having slept with any costars. She cops to liking Steve Martin (who she acted with in All of Me, which was awesome. Also The Pink Panther 2, which I'm assuming was not). Now there's wine going on in the bed as the discussion gets saucy. Well, as saucy as any discussion can be that includes the sentence "I've been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for 38 years," anyway. Impressive! Kathy wants to know if Lily turned Lindsay Lohan gay. Lily is open to the possibility.

Kathy is also very curious about any fallout from the one YouTube clip of Lily Tomlin being all foul-mouthed on the set of I Heart Huckabees. There was some, but Lily is pretty cheerful about the whole thing. And it turns out the reason Dustin Hoffman was just sitting there letting the storm blow over was that he personally was pretty drunk at the time. Fascinating!

It is time for Kathy to get her celebrity guest to get even more famous people on the phone for her. But they're on the west coast, and it's pretty late, so Lily refuses to call Jane Fonda at two in the morning. They end up on Liza Minnelli's voicemail, and Kathy panics, curses, and hangs up. Well done. Kathy calls her mom so Lily can talk to her. Maggie has no questions for Lily Tomlin. Lily thinks this is hilarious. Kathy orders Maggie to ask a question about "Goldie [bleep] Hawn" because she's embarrassing her. Lily thinks Kathy's being mean to her mother.

After what I'm assuming are several more drinks, Lily starts showing Kathy some cheers from her cheerleader days. Who knew Lily Tomlin used to be a cheerleader? Kathy shows Lily some of her father's cheers from the 1920s. Let's just say that "gooseberry pie" is used for a rhyme. Lily accurately describes this as "pretty square".

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Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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