Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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Suck It, Jesus, Kathy's Totally Bombing!

Kathy E-mail Watch: Nothing yet. And time's a-wasting until she performs at the casino up in Niagara Falls. Certain recappers might not have found out about the show until after it sold out and could use the hookup.

This week's stand-up snippet sees Kathy talking about hooking her mother up with the best old-lady gadgets money can buy. God help us all if Maggie Griffin ever gets the use of a Hoveround.

Okay, this I didn't know about The Secret: You're supposed to post the things you're hoping on a bulletin board until they come true? Wow. No wonder that book is such a raging success. You know Oprah's Secret Board has, like, "President Barack Obama," "Tyra Show canceled," and "Lose 50 pounds by the time I take over the world." Anyway, Kathy's had a trip to Bora Bora up on the Secret Board for a while, and that one's actually coming true. Also on Kathy's Secret Board: "Win PGA Award" (uh...sorry), "Trip to Italy," "Trip to Bali," "Pay off credit cards," and a photo of Tiffany with Justin Timberlake. You and me both, lady. The Bora Bora gig is what Kathy calls a "gay on-land cruise," which essentially means you do all the things you'd do on a gay cruise, only at a resort instead of on a boat. Kathy, if you can believe it, is psyched. At this rate, Kathy will have met every homosexual in America by November.

So while Kathy contemplates trying out some new gay material ("gaybies" jokes are the new thing), Team Griffin wonders if this means they'll get a vacation. Kathy says they will, though she'll be busy glad-handling like crazy. She stresses the D-List nature of this gig, as she must, saying that when Chris Rock does a gig, he doesn't have to stick around for three days doing picnics and luaus. Tom starts creepily anticipating "them girls in the bikinis," while Kathy can't wait to see him strut around the gays in his bathing suit. That makes one of us.

Later, Maggie (armed with her glass of wine) helps Kathy pack and agrees to watch the house and the dogs while Kathy's gone. Kathy interviews that lately, Maggie's whole life has revolved around hanging with her gays -- who used to be Kathy's gays. She says when she gets back from Bora Bora, her niece and nephew will be visiting, and hopefully they'll convince Maggie to act her age, and Kathy can have her gays back. She and Maggie chat about island-y things, including the fact that Maggie never learned to swim and Kathy's close resemblance to "tall, tan, dark, and lovely" island women.

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Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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