Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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Suck It, Jesus, Kathy's Never Been Mellow

Kathy E-mail Watch: Nothing this week, but with The View in Vegas, I'm sure she's been super-busy writing new material, so I'm not surprised.

Hee, okay, the poster advertising Kathy's latest stand-up show has her sandwiched between appearances by Joe Cocker and Toto. That's brilliant. A bewigged Kathy (seriously, I'm pretty sure I saw that thing atop a B-52 at some point) jokes about offending Portia de Rossi in Australia while Lance Bass laughs in the audience. That wasn't a punchline, that's just what happened. Leave Lance alone, you guys, he's had it hard enough, never getting to go to space and all.

So coincidentally enough, Kathy's planning a tour through Australia, and she clutches her Emmy as she gives the details to Team Griffin. It's a quintessential Kathy gig: she's hitting up Gay Mardi Gras (as opposed to...?) in Australia, and her flight down is some Gay Comedy Flight that, sorry Kathy, sounds hellish. I already feel like there's no escape when I'm on an airplane -- I do not need the desperation of gay cabaret to make me feel even more anxious. Jessica expresses her fear of drag queens ("They're big and tall and clown-like") and generally dreads the trip. Kathy wonders if Jessica was ever (fabulously) molested by drag queens as a child. Lady, get in line behind the rest of us who've been molested by drag queens as adults. Tom wishes he'd get molested by drag queens, but Kathy says he's not hot enough.

Kathy (still in L.A.) tapes an interview with an Australian radio show and goofs with the one about her skinned knee. Kathy interviews that the Australian press are "unshockable," which of course puts them right up there with the gays in Kathy's Big Book of Unshockable Subcultures. They talk about Jesus Sucking It, and honestly? I'm kind of over Jesus Sucking It. I still like it for the recap titles and all, but as far as episode fodder? Even Jesus is like, "Yes, I sucked it, can we move on?"

Kathy does another interview, this time over the phone, with a different Australian radio show. She tells them that she has planned an "audience" with Olivia Newton-John while she's down under, since she's like the "Australian pope." The radio hosts give Kathy the 411 on some Aussie curse words, like "dickbag" and "cunt features." Lord knows I hate to pay extra for cunt features -- I usually just take what comes standard.

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Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List

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