Judging Amy
Witch Hunt

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Jessica: D | Grade It Now!
Witch Hunt

This segues into Featherstone -- you know, voice-stealing specters, Wicca practitioners, same diff -- every vein in her neck sticking out, explaining that Wicca is the oldest religion in the world. Axelrod bursts out that Wicca is not a religion, it's just a "bunch of nutcases who run around in the woods in long robes with deer antlers on their heads!" What a tolerant guy. I would be really willing to hand over a child to him to raise, especially seeing as, according to Featherstone, Axelrod was around to sow his seed and that was about it. Amy tells Axelrod not to interrupt, and reminds him that while they're talking off the record, she is still in charge. She gives him an extremely dirty look as Bruce rubs his eyes; probably wishing he'd studied something else in school -- chemistry, say, or taxidermy. Maybe he's wondering if he gets any more lines in this episode, or if it's time for him to start going on auditions again. Featherstone compares the rituals of Wicca to Catholicism and Axelrod has another outburst, this time about how Catholics don't chant or cast spells. Dude, have you ever been to Mass? There's no spell casting, but plenty of chanting type behavior. Anyway, Amy tells Axelrod to can it -- again. Dobbs smarmily speaks up and asks Amy if they're going to have to sit through a history lecture on "wic-can-an-ism?"

Amy's stomach must really be growling, because she gets all snippy and tells Dobbs that if his office is going to make the argument that Featherstone's practice of witchcraft is dangerous to her son, then she has to know what witchcraft is. Duh, Dobbs. Sit down. Featherstone says that Wiccans are just trying to live in a way that's closer to nature, contrary to the popular belief that they're pointy-hatted broomstick riders. Her lawyer moves for summary dismissal, on the grounds that Dobbs hasn't come anywhere near proving his case. Amy agrees that there seems to be no proof that Featherstone is harming her son. Dobbs says he's "getting to that," and Bruce and Amy exchange disgusted looks. Dobbs says that last year, Featherstone took the kid off the antibiotics that had been prescribed to him for an ear infection and could have caused serious hearing damage. Axelrod, who cannot seem to keep his mouth shut, makes the persuasive argument that "these people are insane!" Amy, this time, turns all the way around in her chair so she can roll her eyes at Bruce. I'd like to take this moment to mention that I think she's got a little crush on Bruce. He is kind of a babe. So now Featherstone's neck veins are really standing out -- they're actually scaring me -- as she reads Axelrod the riot act for neglecting their son for eight years. He tells her that she's sick and she needs help. I don't know if she's sick the way he seems to think she's sick, but her neck veins could use some attention from a qualified physician. Featherstone tells Axelrod that he's the sick one, using the courts to steal her child. Amy, bored, looks down at her desk, probably thinking about the sandwich in the mini-fridge in her office. She finally breaks up their bickering by setting a trial date and warning them to cut out the mud slinging.

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Judging Amy




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