Judging Amy
The Out-of-Towners

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The Out-of-Towners

Man, Chad Lowe's hair looks really, really bad in that tele-bio of John Denver. How sad, while his wife is polishing her Academy Award™, he's in a made for TV movie with Gerald McRaney. Of course, while he was winning his Emmy for playing Becca's dreamy boyfriend with AIDS on Life Goes On, she was in The Next Karate Kid, so I guess it all evens out in the end. I saw them in a shoe store in Santa Monica once, when she was still in90210. They're both about the size of your average sixth-grader.

Enough about me. Gillian and Evie and Lauren are in the kitchen with Maxine. Lauren idolizes Evie, and that upsets Gillian. After Lauren and Gillian head off to school, Evie tells Maxine that she knows Gillian is scared that if Evie spends too much time with Lauren, she won't want to give up her baby after it's born. She explains that she already knows it's going to be "hell" giving up her baby, and that nothing can make that better or worse. Please, don't tell me that this is foreshadowing for some custody battle involving Peter and Gillian and Evie, because we get enough custody battles on this show. Every single sodding character is in a custody battle. Stop the violence!

Marston Hall of Justice. The Marston High School principal testifies that she is responsible for "identifying problem children," in order to help create a "suitable learning environment" for the students of Marston. Amy laughs sarcastically and says that it's an environment achieved through "widespread doping." When Baldo DCF asks her who, exactly, she is accusing, she looks at him and Toothy Malone in disgust, and wonders aloud whether it can be possible that no one else is concerned about this whole Ritalin thing. Cotton Mouth says that "[she] is concerned for [her] son." Well, yeah, no kidding. Amy shoots her a disgusted look and shortly thanks her for her "support." Amy then reads from a report prepared by the non-Marston-based psychiatrist who examined Ryan. Shockingly, there is no evidence of ADD and the administration of Ritalin is totally unwarranted. The Toady Marston shrink looks at his lap and sneers. Amy snappily orders that Ryan and Cotton Mouth be reunited. Cotton Mouth gasps and grasps her lawyer's hand. Toothy Malone stands up in horror and informs Amy that Cotton Mouth is only halfway through her rehab program. Amy basically tells Toothy to deal, and snarkily comments that, "unless [Cotton Mouth] forces her son to drink with her, she can't do a much worse job than DCF." Toothy and Baldo look at Amy as though they'd like to take her into the alley behind the courthouse and break her kneecaps. Amy doesn't stop there, though. She says that, while Marston seemslike a nice town, people who are different are made to feel ostracized, and "boys are drugged because they are boisterous." Bruce looks down at this teeny, tiny, smaller-than-usual desk. Cotton Mouth nods vigorously and yells, "Sing it, sister!" Well, in her mind. Amy announces she's sending the transcript of the case to the state psychiatric licensing board, the school board, the commissioner of DCF and the state attorney general. Toothy, Baldo and the Toad all look horrified. She asks if she's "left anybody unscathed, because [she's] in a fairly scathing mood." When met by silence, she screams "good!" and court is adjourned. I guess the town of Marston didn't know what it was in for when Judge Amy Gray, Dispenser of Wisdom and Bringer of Truth, came to town, no sir. She took this little town and turned it upside down. She's like Kevin Bacon in Flashdance, except without the dancing.

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Judging Amy




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