Judging Amy
The Out-of-Towners

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The Out-of-Towners

Maxine is having at lunch a local diner. She gets into some "clever" banter with the ancient waitress, which I will spare you, all of which provides this week's Special Guest Star, Richard Crenna, with the opportunity to hit on her. He's a widower, relocated from Dallas, fairly charming, and wallet-free. He claims to have left it at the office. Maxine has the ancient waitress put it on her own tab. Richard Crenna asks Maxine to dinner. With some prodding from the ancient waitress, she agrees. Oh, that's kind of cute. Old people, thinking about getting it on.

Marston. Hall of Justice (there's only one hall). Mom is a boozehound, and talks like she has a wad of cotton stuck down the back of her throat. She's dressed like a schoolmarm out of Little House On The Prairie. She tells the court that it's awfully ironic that when she gets out of rehab, she'll return to a son who's all doped up. Can I take a sidebar to mention how very 1998 this whole Ritalin thing is? DCF's counsel explains that Ryan, Cotton Mouth's son, was diagnosed with ADD and that Ritalin is the standard treatment. DCF's counsel has the worst teeth I've ever seen on national TV, Jerry Springer guests notwithstanding. Cotton Mouth's counsel claims that any kid whose mother got sloshed and landed a bunch of people in the hospital in a drunk-driving accident, and who therefore ended up in foster care would have trouble paying attention to geometry. I have to say, I think the man has a point. Apparently, every single kid at Ryan's foster home -- and there are six of them -- is on Ritalin. And they're all under the care of the same doctor. Amy orders an evaluation of Ryan by an independent psychiatrist. One of DCF's lawyers (the bald one, not the one with the bad teeth) protests that there is no other licensed shrink in town. Bruce rolls his eyes. Amy tells DCF to "avail" itself of the "world outside of Marston." She dismisses them, and looks over at her trusty sidekick. Bruce rolls his eyes again, this time so hard that I think they might get stuck at the back of his head.

Maxine returns to the office and tells SBW about getting hit on during lunch. SBW thinks that she actually got "picked up." Maxine comments that she was under the impression that a pick-up was when "you go somewhere with someone to have sex." SBW laughs and tells Maxine that she "did not have sex on [her] lunch hour." Maxine chuckles and tells SBW that she's "famous for that." Someone, make this conversation stop! Thank God, we don't have to hear about any of Maxine's sexcapades of the past, because she finds a mash note from Susie Nixon on her desk. It's the OTC necessary to remove the children from the DelBello residence. Maxine decides to pretend she never got the OTC, and therefore, to keep to her own plan for dealing with the DelBellos. SBW tells Maxine warningly that she's being insubordinate. Maxine counters with the theory that if Susie got a week's paid suspension for stealing, she'll probably be "[made to] eat ice cream" for insubordination. Seriously.

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Judging Amy




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