Judging Amy
The Out-of-Towners

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The Out-of-Towners

Amy and Bruce arrive in Marston, which Amy finds a quaint and charming example of small-town America. Bruce is less impressed, probably because he saw the sign on the outskirts of town which read "Welcome to The Cliché of the Repressed Small Town. We are Secretly Racist and Sexist! Enjoy Your Stay." Amy finds the tiny courtroom "picturesque," but Bruce is displeased because there is nowhere for him to sit. He's used to the luxury of that apple box he calls a desk back in Hartford. The Judicial Duo is greeted by a Down Home and Folksy Court Clerk. She asks Amy to call her Caitlin, because they "don't stand much on ceremony in Marston." Bruce takes the wind right out of her sales when he introduces himself as "Mr. Van Exel" and sends Caitlin off to find him a temporary tiny desk.

I know I never recap the "evocative" black and white photographs which occasionally serve as CBS's version of the blipvert, but I can't resist. Tonight they're all of children riding their bikes through a bucolic small town. In the first "blipvert," one child has green hair. As the show continues, more children get green hair. Dude, Pleasantville much? The blipverts are rarely particularly original, or even noteworthy, which is why I generally ignore them, but this was particularly heavy-handed and, creatively, a big fat rip-off. ["I saw the episode, and I could not agree more." -- Wing Chun]

God, finally, it's Vincent. And his hair -- stop the presses! -- is clean. Squeakily, lusciously, gloriously clean. And that would be shout-out number two. If y'all are reading this, writers, as, come on, clearly you are, I think Vincent's next career ought to be as a exotic dancer in an all-male revue, and he ought to dump The Girlfriend for a slightly neurotic but still entertaining writer from Southern California, who can be reached care of Mighty Big TV. Thank you. Ahem, anyway, Vincent's hanging around the police station, coffee cup in each hand. He gives one of the lattes to a police officer, admitting that the coffee is a bribe. "You're gonna bribe me here in the hallowed HALLS OF JUSTICE?" the policeman asks in a BLATANT shoutout. Blatant, I say! Why don't they just hang up a sign saying "Jessica: We Hear You"? Vincent and the cop yammer about some story Vincent is working on, and Vincent is ready to take off, when the cop lets the cat out of the bag: The Creep who shot Vincent and attacked the Girlfriend is probably going to be set free, because Vincent's identification has been invalidated. Somehow, it's come to light that he was pressured into making the ID. The Big Bad is on the loose again. Vincent looks really ultra-pensive, even for him. He's probably thinking about how much The Girlfriend is going to wig out, and, therefore, that he is never going to have sex again.

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Judging Amy




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