Judging Amy
Spoil The Child

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Spoil The Child

Rancherito. Donna makes a smoothie, watching the weather channel. Vincent wants to talk to her, about the whole being the roommate from hell thing, but she bursts into tears. Vincent warily wonders what's wrong. Donna says she's "a failure as a wife." "Already?" Vincent asks. And oh, here is the first in a series of Vincent and Donna Comedy Sex Ed Scenes. Donna confesses that, during the conjugal visit, all did not go as planned. She communicates to Vincent through a series of hand movements that Oscar, you know, had some issues with getting to more than half-mast. Vincent suggests that Donna discuss this with Amy. Donna tells Vincent that she can't discuss her womanly failures with her mentor! Vincent tells Donna that, you know, this kind of thing happens all the time. Donna worries that Oscar will never be able to get it up. She asks if Vincent's ever, you know, not, you know. You know. She won't let him dodge the bullet, and says that, you know, he's such a stud, and, you know, if, you know, he's, you know, had problems, then, well, you know, she'd feel better about Oscar's little inability to, ahem, salute her womanliness, as it were. Vincent looks, appropriately, at his lap, and grits his teeth, and confesses that once, one time, one time out of many, just once! Once, after drinking, and drinking a whole lot, was he unable to bring his soldier to attention. Donna smiles with relief. She thanks him. Vincent stares at the ground.

Amy turns down the chance to move to the criminal courts. Judge Booth tells her that she's turning down a great chance to improve her career. Amy says some mushy stuff about catching kids before it's too late for them to have a fighting chance, blah, blah, blah, someone has to watch out for the childrencakes!

I'd just like to say that Amy's hair looks fantastic throughout this entire episode. Bravo, hairdresser! Bravo!

In the courtroom, Bruce tells Amy how glad he is that she is staying in family court. God, you two! Just. Do. It. Spanker tells Amy that he will take the suggested parenting classes, but he resents it! He resents the intrusion! It's a private family matter! He's from a good family! She's just a stupid girl! He likes to spank people! So, nyah, nyah, he'll go to stupid parenting classes, but she can't force him to learn! Amy tells him calmly that if he treated an adult as he treated his son, he would be guilty of battery. She reminds him that Seth, his son, is small, and defenseless, and that you can't teach someone respect without respecting him or her first. She tells him that his child is not his property. She'll check in on them in three months. And he better shape up before then. In the background, Maxine watches proudly. She leans over to another spectator as Amy finishes up what was, okay, a rather good speech, and tells the stranger that the judge is her daughter. She smiles proudly at Amy, a little weepy. As am I. Damn it! This show's shameless emotional manipulation has made me its bitch!

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Judging Amy

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