Judging Amy
Presumed Innocent

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Presumed Innocent

At DCF, Maxine pores over some papers on her desk, while Manual Labor relaxes in the chair in front of her. Surprisingly, his name is not actually Manuel Labor: It's Joaquin Acosta, and he's fifteen years old. If this kid is fifteen, I'm barely out of diapers, because he looks old. It must be the cosmetic effect of living in the Toxic Lair. Maxine asks Joaquin if any of his family members have contacted him since he was remanded to DCF custody three years ago. "Yeah, when Muffy graduated from Harvard and when Chip married into the Royal Family," he cracks. Ah, I get it. He's a wise-ass! Maxine asks if he steals those computers and then resells them. He tells her that's "counterfactual. [He] find[s] them in dumpsters and rehabilitate[s] them, kind of like what [DCF] does to kids." Oh, he's a smart wise-ass! Joaquin tells Maxine that he's doing fine for himself, with a place to live (sorta), and a job (kinda) and no "scurvy, scabies, or scoliosis" (that, I'll give him). He just wants DCF to leave him alone. Maxine looks at him appraisingly, because he's got "pet project" stamped across his forehead, and appears ready to pronounce some kind of wisdom from on high, as per usual, when Susie "This Episode Takes Place Before I Got Caught Stealin', but You Can See the Evil in My Eyes" Nixon pokes her evil little skull into the room. She recognizes the enterprising Joaquin. Susie calls Maxine into the other room for "a word." As she gathers her papers, Maxine tells Joaquin that they can't leave him alone because he's "fifteen and live[s] in a carcinogenic waste dump."

In the other room, Maxine tells Susie that Joaquin is a "big-brained boy." Susie, in her typical evil, short-sighted, fraud-committing way tells Maxine that while Joaquin is technically a genius, he's also Trouble. With a capital "T." That rhymes with "D." And that stands for "Don't Tell Maxine What to Do, Susie." Susie tells Maxine that if any of the computers in Joaquin's Toxic Lair turn out to be stolen, he'll be sent to Long Lane, the juvenile detention facility (read: kiddie jail), where maybe he can be controlled. Susie patronizingly advises Maxine to spare herself the heartache with this one. Maxine smiles sarcastically and thanks Susie for being so attentive to Maxine's welfare, and not her own placement statistics. Susie evilly cocks an evil eyebrow and tells Maxine that they have to pick and choose their battles. "Don't choose Joaquin," she snarls, and, twirling her handbar mustache, slithers off to sell babies for beer money.

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Judging Amy

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