Judging Amy
Not With A Whimper

Episode Report Card
Not With A Whimper

Amy and Michael are having a drink to "celebrate" their divorce. Naturally, because it's against the law for one episode of Judging Amy to conclude without someone drinking something alcoholic. Occasionally, that someone is me. They agree that their marriage "wasn't all bad," and that they were "good together. Until [they] weren't." In an amazing coincidence, the song that was the first dance at their wedding comes on over the bar sound system. Michael asks that they make it their last dance. They work it, cheek to cheek, right there in the bar. I don't know if this is supposed to be touching, or what, but the song really, really blows. I, personally, want the first dance at my wedding to be to "Dude Looks Like a Lady." Because, come on, that's comedy gold. Also, this schmaltzy stuff makes me want to ralph. Although that could also be this plain-label Merlot. Michael and Amy look at each other lustfully.

Maxine reads to Lauren at home. Lauren asks about the baby, and Maxine assures her that they will be informed when the baby is born. In the midst of a sentence, Maxine does not recognize the word "geese." The Ominous Guitar of Losing One's Mind commences. Maxine finishes the chapter and sends Lauren to bed. She seems perturbed and reexamines the book. She takes off her glasses, looking a little frightened.

Oh, good God. Amy and Michael go at it, like newlyweds rather than, um, newlydivorcees. The theme of this episode seems to be "naked," because we see Amy in her bra and Michael without his shirt. They fall on to his hotel bed, making out like it's the end of the world. Amy grabs her ex-husband's butt. That's rather unseemly, don't you think?

At the hospital, Evie's about ready to spring the kid; the doctor's there, her feet are in the stirrups, Vincent and Donna are arrayed in the hospital gowns, people are yelling "push!" Vincent asks if he ought to get Peter and Gillian. Evie says no. Vincent looks scared. The doctor asks Vincent and Donna to grab Evie's legs to help her "get her hips flexed." Vincent looks even more scared and, also, a little grossed out. Donna bravely rips off her carpal tunnel cast things and grabs a leg. She barks at Vincent to do the same, which he does, reluctantly. He looks like he's either about to vomit or faint. Donna counts, Evie pushes, and Vincent, trying as hard as he can not to look down there tells Evie that she's doing great. The jangly theme song tinkles momentously in the background. Evie strains, Vincent sneaks a peek, and Donna tells the almost mother that she is "strong! [She is] invincible [She is] woman!" All three of them yell in shock and amazement as the baby makes his grand entrance into the world. Outside, leaning against the door, Peter and Gillian listen to the screaming, and then, the tiny wail. Gillian clasps her hand over her mouth. They embrace. That was kinda nice.

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Judging Amy




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