Judging Amy
Near Death Experience

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Jessica: D | Grade It Now!
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Near Death Experience

I wonder if the photographs they use in the credits really are of a young Amy Brenneman. Time for more Hooch.

Maxine comes barreling through the hospital doors with her usual consummate grace. She bullies the nurse at the desk into telling her where Vincent is, and, blatantly disregarding the nurse's request that she wait in chairs, tromps, pell-mell, into Vincent's examining room. It's obnoxious, but her child was shot. I have to cut Maxine some slack, considering the circumstances.

Vincent is being bandaged up. His chest muscles are quite lovely, but he's hairier than I imagined. Not horribly hairy, just hairier. The doctor explains that He's Very Lucky, Because An Inch To The Right, and He'd Be Dead, in a speech lifted from every medical drama ever penned to paper. Maxine bursts in to the examination room and asks Vincent if he's all right. She then cross-examines the doctor about Vincent's condition and, not even taking a breath nor allowing anyone to get a word in edgewise, asks Vincent how this happened. Vincent outlines his heroism, which prompts a hysterical diatribe from Maxine on Crime in Today's Society. Vincent and the doctor roll their eyes in unison. Maxine takes out a cigarette and Vincent asks the doctor for a tranquilizer. For Maxine. Vincent: Semi-naked and slightly smarmy. I like this episode. Time for more Hooch. Did you know it also comes in Orange Flavor? I drank all those.

Vincent is curled up on a bed in his mother's house, covered in an afghan, asleep. The door opens to reveal The (Future) Girlfriend. She says she came to thank him for saving her life. Vincent asks if she's okay, and she says she's fine, except for one thing...and she opens her jacket to reveal a completely blood-soaked shirt. "I can't get it to stop," she says. We get the Heavy Breathing Slo-Mo effect again (which always reminds me of that seminal Beverly Hills, 90210 episode in which David's friend Scott shoots himself in the stomach at his birthday party), which is interrupted when Amy wakes Vincent up. See? It was just a dream. Vincent takes the tea Amy's brought him and sips it as they discuss how wigged-out Maxine is. Amy then reads Vincent the riot act for interfering at the grocery store, and gets all choked up, thinking about Vincent Buying The Farm. Vincent tells her that he isn't going to die because he "can't get out of finishing [his] book that easy." Amy kind of laughs, as Peter and Gillian burst in. Peter barely lets Vincent tell them that he's fine, before he launches into a speech about how if Vincent "had a gun" this never would have happened. Amy and Vincent (and Jessica) roll their eyes and Amy gives the requisite "Violence is Not The Answer" point of view. Gillian frets because she shops at the market where Vincent was shot all the time. Because, you know, it's all about her. Maxine joins the party and tries to get Vincent to tell her which officer he spoke to regarding the incident. Because she has connections. She can make things happen. She can exact justice from the system. She's Maxine Gray, and she has brass balls. Vincent asks her not to get involved, but we all know that's not going to happen. Maxine shoos Peter and Gillian out of the room, so, ostensibly, Vincent can rest. Peter asks Vincent to "think about that gun." Vincent rolls his eyes even harder. He and Amy do the Gray Family Rueful Chuckle, as Vincent comments that "getting shot was the easy part." And you weren't even there when Peter "sang" "Jumpin' Jack Flash" last week. Man alive.

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Judging Amy

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