Judging Amy
Blast From The Past

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Blast From The Past

At the Rancherito, Vincent is making a bookshelf out of boards and cinder blocks, in the time-honored way of poverty-stricken readers everywhere. Donna halting stumbles out of the bathroom and asks if they can talk. She announces that she is pregnant. Vincent, shocked, knocks down the entire top shelf. Donna waves all five of the pregnancy tests she took in his face. Vincent stands stock still, appearing utterly stunned, while Donna wonders what she's going to do. He slowly puts down his cinder block, and, coming to his senses, tells her that this is "a good thing," pointing out that she's married, and loves children. Donna, putting on her dramatic cap again, flings herself against the window, and gasps that Oscar is not the father. Vincent, who's clearly the guy I want with me in an emergency -- okay, the guy I want, period -- handles this very calmly, and wonders who, then, the father is. Donna turns from the window and raises a finger, half-heartedly, to the sky. Vincent interprets this as "Jerry, upstairs?" who Vincent thought was, you know, gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Donna shakes her head and points really upstairs. I can not recreate on paper the amusing way in which Vincent said the word "God?" so just use your imagination. He sort of laughs and starts to tell Donna that it...couldn't....possibly...be....Donna flings herself on the sofa and wraps a blue afghan around her head, à la the Virgin Mary herself, and confesses to Vincent that she is still a virgin, because her one night with Oscar was "unsuccessful." Vincent kneels next to Donna and asks if she's sure. Donna wrinkles her nose and confesses that "he....couldn't...it....wouldn't..." She makes a furtive little "rising" motion with her hands and Vincent looks away and says that he gets the gist. He rubs his eyes and asks how far they got "before." Donna says they did everything "you're supposed to do," but before they "got to the final thing, he...couldn't." She makes this little shrinking motion with her hands. Vincent asks if, before, "did he...was he...?" Donna asks if he's "talking about penetration." Vincent says that he's afraid he is. She explains that they got that far, but "it was kinda downhill from there, if you know what [she] mean[s]." Vincent leans in and explains that you can get pregnant from pre-ejaculatory fluid, a phrase I never thought I would use in a recap of Judging Amy. Donna didn't know this, because she went "to religious school." Hee. The phone rings, and as Vincent talks, Donna grasps the fact that she is not carrying the son of God, but that she is, in fact, going to have regular, run-of-the-mill baby. She looks both shocked, and pleased. Vincent gets off the phone and says that while he needs to go on assignment, they can talk when he gets back. That scene was very amusing, in a way that I don't think quite translates to paper.

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Judging Amy

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