Judging Amy
Blast From The Past

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Blast From The Past

Of course, at this moment, the Jerky Court Reporter Ian (the guy who tried to run Donna down in the parking lot), turns the corner to catch the two of them in what definitely appears to be a very compromising position. Ian awkwardly greets them. Amy giggles. Bruce looks perturbed. Ian hands Amy some briefs she had requested, and shoots the two of them a self-righteous look of disgust, before high-tailing it out of there to tattle on them. Amy and Bruce cackle as he leaves. Their laughter, I predict, will be short-lived. I saw the previews. I know.

Donna lies, prone, on the sofa at the Rancherito. She's moaning. Vincent, perched on the edge of the couch, attempts to feed her chicken consommé. Have I mentioned that I love him? I don't know that I've mentioned that. Donna dribbles the soup onto her chin and Vincent dabs it off with a dishtowel. His hair is dirty, and yet, I love him. He entreats Donna to eat something. She moans and groans and asks him, should tragedy befall her, to take care of Oscar. It's hard to convey how very, very dramatic Donna is being about this. Have you seen Gone with the Wind? You know the part at the end, when Melanie is [spoiler about a sixty-one-year-old movie] dying, and she gasps that Scarlett ought to look after Ashley for her? Yeah, it's like that. Donna begs Vincent to "call [Oscar], email him, make sure he gets all [Donna's] worldly goods." She's even affected a southern accent. I am so not kidding about this. Vincent looks askance at this request, but humors her and agrees. Donna snaps that, if she dies, she just knows her sister will swoop in and make off with her Hummel collection. Hee hee. I laughed. Was that so wrong?

Halls of Justice. Custody case du jour involves a creepy-looking guy, his angelic ex-wife, and their two small children. Angelic wife wants to gain sole custody of the babes, because her ex-husband scatters prescription drugs around, almost let one of the children drown in the bathtub, and leaves loaded guns unlocked. Amy asks the father what he has to say for himself, but realizes, when she looks up from her papers, that she knows the guy. He's a childhood friend of Vincent's, who has since become -- let's not pull punches, people -- a bit of a loser. Also, creepy. Loser Friend asks after Vincent, but Amy is clearly wigged by this unexpected turn of events, and is less than loquacious in her reply. Bruce looks slightly disturbed, as do the lawyers. Amy calls a sidebar and explains that she'd be happy to recuse herself if they'd like, but she sees no reason to do so, since she hasn't seen Loser Friend in ten years, and is confident that she can remain impartial. Loser Friend's lawyer has no problem with Amy's remaining on the bench, and while Angelic Wife's counsel says that while she's going to have to take it up with her client, she also sees no reason not to continue. They agree to reconvene the next day. Amy stares balefully at Loser Friend, who shoots her a smile, which I'm sure he thinks is friendly, but which is actually just really creepy.

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Judging Amy




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