John Doe
Mind Games

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Kim: F | Grade It Now!
Mind Games

Frank and his son (who I'm just going to call Frank Jr., because I'm pretty sure the son is not going to become a regular character, so it's easier this way) are hanging out at Digger's bar (which I finally learned is called The Sea), watching a football game. Along with Digger, John, and some staff, they appear to be the only people there, so I don't know if the bar isn't open, or if business is just really slow. Frank asks his son what he thinks the next play will be, and of course, John has to pipe up and say that it's going to be a quick screen. My brother's best friend can actually do this -- predict with deadly accuracy what offense or defense a team will run on a particular play. He's not a statistical genius or anything. He just watches a lot of football, I guess. Frank scoffs at John's theory, but John spouts off some statistics. A shot of the TV reveals that they are actually watching the CFL, and the two teams playing are from Saskatchewan and Toronto. Dude, they couldn't even CGI out the names of the teams or something to make it out like they're in the United States? Anyway, John is right about the play, and the team gets a first down. Frank and his son celebrate as John watches them. John predicts the next play, and is once again correct. Frank asks his son to call the next play. Frank Jr. says that he thinks it's going to be a touchdown. It's not, but Frank gives his son a high five and a hug anyway. John watches jealously and then says that he has to go. If I didn't know where this episode was going, I might think that it was about how John's in love with Frank. John claims to have "a ton of work to do," and he leaves. Cut to John in his pad, playing chess against himself, announcing each move before he makes it. That is sad in about seventy different ways.

The next day, John hears a knock at his door. He answers it to find a young woman and a boy of about ten standing outside. She asks if he's John Doe, and he says that he is. She asks if he graduated from the University of Washington in 1989 with a degree in microbiology. John says that he doesn't know. She asks if he has a family history of myopia or high blood pressure. John asks who she is. The kid steps forward and says that his name is Wesley Silva, and he's John's son. Cut to John looking confused. Or constipated. Or possibly thinking about calling his agent.

John holds two transparencies up to the light, on top of each other. John says that it's not possible that Wesley's father's DNA and his own DNA profile are a perfect match. The little kid, who was in Spy Kids and has red hair and looks nothing like John, says that it's pretty cool, and calls John "Dad." John is in shock. Wesley says that he brought robots. John asks the woman if she's implying that they...the woman says that they were never intimate, and in fact, they've never met. John is still confused. The woman explains that Wesley was conceived by artificial insemination: her egg with John's...she hesitates and glances at Wesley, who pipes up, "Spermatozoa. It's not like it's a bad word, Mom. It's biology."

The woman tells John that the kid is excited to meet him, because they've been searching for a long time. John asks how they found him. The woman says that Vitrochoice, the sperm bank, has a strict confidentiality policy, and all they would give her was a sheet of paper with some background information. John notes that it doesn't give his name. The woman says that two months ago, she placed ads in two local papers, but got no responses, so she "saved up about two years' worth of tips and bribed a nurse at Vitrochoice. She gave us a copy of the donor's DNA." Wesley says that he ran the DNA profile through NDIS. John says, "National DNA Index System." John asks how old Wesley is, and Wesley says that he's ten. His mom says that Wesley is "quite remarkable with computers," and has a high IQ to boot. John says that he added his DNA to the system hoping to find family. The woman says that it looks like John just did. Wesley smiles. John gives her the crazy eyes. Seriously, I never know what emotion John Doe is supposed to be feeling because he kind of just rolls his eyes around and looks crazy.

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John Doe




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