John Doe
Doe Re: Me

Episode Report Card
Kim: C+ | Grade It Now!
Doe Re: Me

There's a pre-credit sequence where John explains how he knows nothing about himself (except that he has a brand of some sort on his shoulder, and that he's mostly color-blind) and yet knows everything about everything else. Yeah, I watched the first two episodes, dude. I got that. Let's move on.

A psychiatrists asks a hypnotized John what he sees. He says he sees nothing. She asks about his first day of school. He sees nothing. Summer? Sunshine? Lemonade? Nothing. Everything is gray. The shrink asks about something more recent: John's twenty-first birthday. Has she gotten a good look at the mileage on John's face? It wasn't that recent. John, predictably, sees nothing. The shrink doesn't give up, and asks John whether he remembers New Year's Eve 1999. Nothing. One year ago? Nothing. The shrink wakes John up and asks how he feels. John says he feels fantastic, and asks when they start. The shrink says that he has no memories for her to work with. John asks about a number of different psychiatric approaches that she could try; she asks how he knows so much about her field. John says he knows a lot about everything except himself. Sigh. I think we got that at this point. John talks about how hard it is to look in the mirror every morning and see a stranger. He adds that it's also difficult to sustain a relationship with a member of the opposite sex, because as soon as they see his brand, they wonder what planet he's from. Like regular people don't have scars nowadays? I guess the bigger picture is that no one wants to take on a project like John. Actually, I can think of a lot of women who would love a hopeless case like John. The shrink scribbles out a prescription for Xanax. John sarcastically thanks her and walks out.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Seacouver, a homeless man wakes up in a dumpster. He discovers a woman's bare legs next to him and he's all fired up, until he looks further north and discovers that the woman has been cut in half.

Flash-forward to Frank, investigating the scene. The homeless man (who has the cleanest white beard of any homeless man ever, which made me think for a second that they were going to do that plot where he's actually Santa Claus in disguise, until I realized that Christmas isn't until December) insists that he had nothing to do with the murder. Lt. Bosslady asks whether they've got an ID on the body. Frank jokes that he thinks it's the magician's assistant, who has been sawed in half. The two cops exchange "man, this job" pleasantries. The tech guy says that he might have something in a few hours.

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John Doe




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