Joe Millionaire
Filler Necklace

Episode Report Card
Kim: F | Grade It Now!
Filler Necklace

Hey, look! It's a new show opening! They got rid of that whole package that showed Evan driving the backhoe and shit. Wow! I bet this whole episode will consist of never-before-seen footage like this. Because it's not like FOX would promise something they aren't going to deliver. Anyway, Alex tells the women that Evan inherited $50 million two years ago, and the women are impressed. Evan driving the backhoe morphs into Evan riding a horse. Evan wants to find out who's into him only for his wallet. I'm still not entirely sure he understands that if he pulled out his wallet, it would be like in the cartoons where moths would fly out. Twelve women were given pearl necklaces and Alex, in one of her increasingly rare appearances, told the rest to leave the chateau. I'm still kind of pissed that they didn't continue using that phrase, because it was awesome.

Then, the women went on group dates where they had to pick grapes, shovel coal, or shovel horseshit. Five women got sapphire necklaces, and seven went home. The remaining five went to Paris. Knowing now that the producers knew of Sarah's fetish film background from the beginning, I have to think the whole "shoes as gift" thing was a set-up. Aw, Mojo and her shitty hat at the Moulin Rouge. Good times. Alison got the boot and the other four got emerald necklaces. Evan made out with some of the ladies and then they showed off their boobies in the hot tub. Melissa talked about bathing children in Third World countries because she's a mercenary. She will never, never live that down. The women started getting catty about each other. Mojo was given the boot and the rest got ruby necklaces.

Melissa, Sarah, and Zora got to go on overnight dates to exotic locations. Evan made out with the ladies some more, and then had some big crisis of conscience. Melissa was given the boot and Zora and Sarah got diamond necklaces. The announcer concludes, "Now, Evan must choose." Right now? I can't wait! Unless they mean "now" in the sense of "sometime next week." I hope I didn't misunderstand them.

Mastercheese Theatre. Paul welcomes us back and says that Evan is "finally reaching the end of his journey." Paul says that Evan must make his final decision, and Paul knows that Evan is having a hard time deciding between Sarah and Zora. Mostly because Zora wouldn't tell him her bra size, which makes it difficult for Evan to continues his "biggest boobs stay" strategy. Paul adds that Evan must then confess his true identity. Yes, we get the central concept of the show by now. Let's move on.

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Joe Millionaire




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