Joe Millionaire
Diamond Necklace

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Diamond Necklace

Melissa returns to the chateau and Zora pretends she's happy to see her. What? No morning after shots? I'm so disappointed, because you know the conversation on the plane ride back had to be stilted at best. Melissa says that she had an amazing time. Zora asks if they had fun and Melissa gushes, "I did, Zoooor!" That's annoying in the same way that it is when Torrance's boyfriend calls her "Tor" in Bring It On. Zora uses some mysterious secret sign language to ask if Melissa and Evan kissed. Actually, it's not all that mysterious. She kisses her finger and points it at Melissa, who totally doesn't get it at first, but then claims they just kissed a little, because she's "not a first-move kind of girl, at all, but then, you know, whatever." So much meaning in that "But then, you know, whatever." Melissa and Zora smile at each other. Zora says she doesn't want them all to be hanging out with one guy and all be making out with him. The way she said that kind of sounded like she wants to be the only one making out with him and fuck those other bitches. I know the editors want us to like Zora, but she bugs the crap out of me.

In the Smokers' Lounge of Slander (a location with which I am extremely familiar), Melissa tells Sarah that Zora almost had a heart attack when they told her to bring a bikini on her date. Melissa uses a high-pitched voice to imitate Zora complaining about having to wear her bathing suit. Sarah laughs. Melissa says that she told Zora to wear her suit with confidence because "the more less confident you are, the worse it looks on you." I don't have to come up with jokes. I just report what Melissa says and let it stand on its own.

Zora comes down the stairs to get in the car for her date. She's carrying a book! I so wish I knew what it was. I'm going to guess it's something from the New Age section of the bookstore, or as we used to call it when I worked there, "Kooks and Spooks," because it also had a lot of stories about hauntings and paranormal activity. In an interview, Zora says that Evan might have already made his decision, and she doesn't know how serious his dates with the other women were. She vows to have a great time with no expectations, but also no kissing.

Zora arrives at the airport. She voice-overs that she didn't know where they were going, but she guessed it was Southern France. Wow, she's a psychic, just like her mom! That's what I read in the tabloids anyway. In an interview, Zora reveals that she's never even been in First Class before. Zora looks out the window and marvels at the scenery. Evan stands on the tarmac, waiting for her plane to land. Zora voice-overs that she thinks Evan is great, but every time she hangs out with him, she learns something about him that makes him seem even greater. Evan is wearing jeans, a baggy sweater, and hiking boots, like, they're not even married yet and he's already totally given up on dressing nice. Zora lands and spots a rainbow and says that it can't be real. In an interview, she says she never saw such a beautiful rainbow in her life, and that it was too beautiful to experience alone. Evan walks into the plane. He voice-overs that he's not sure if he's into Zora because he likes her or because she presents a challenge. Zora appears in the doorway and asks if he saw the rainbow. He did. Zora gives him a big hug and keeps talking about the rainbow. I expect the editors to cut in a shot of a unicorn flying by or something. Zora asks where they are, and Evan reveals that they are in Corsica. Evan voice-overs that Corsica is an island in the Mediterranean, as if he knew that before the producers fed him that line.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next

Joe Millionaire

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP