Joe Millionaire
Diamond Necklace

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Diamond Necklace

The sun rises the next morning and everything is suddenly better. In an interview, Evan says that things seemed a lot clearer in the morning (read: the producers showed me the contract I'd signed and told me they'd sue me if I dropped out now). Evan flies back to the chateau. In an interview, Evan says he has to pick one of the three women, and he has to figure out which one will accept him after hearing the truth. Wing Chun and I worked out a whole vision of what will happen when the women find out the truth, where it's like Dante's Inferno and Evan is punished by each woman in a personal way. Like Melissa will make him eat badly cooked food, and Sarah will tie him up and tickle him while shoving her dirty feet in his face and Zora will be like the Aquaman of the forest and summon all of the deer and rabbits and woodchucks to attack. That would be awesome.

The three women enter the sitting room. In an interview, Melissa says that, deep down, she didn't think she'd be eliminated. In an interview, Zora says she was nervous, but thankful she made it as far as she did. Man, now that fucking Mojo's gone, I don't have any clothes to rip on...oh, dear. Alex just walked in. Her outfit is very "Thunder only happens when it's raining." She welcomes them back from their "jetsetting adventures." Why is her skin so, so pale? Alex reveals that two of the women will get diamond pendants and then concludes, "I'll go get Evan." Wow, that was the most screen time she's had in weeks. Her agent must have placed a few calls or something. After careful review of the emails I got as a result of my plea last week, my final theory on Alex is that she was really bitchy and high-maintenance during the shoot, and the producers were like, "Well, we've got Paul. He's easy. And people seem to like him. Or at least, they don't want him dead. Let's cut Alex out as much as possible and fly Paul back to L.A. to record some voice-overs and we'll do a whole Masterpiece Theatre segment to begin and end the shows." But that's just my theory.

Sarah mouths to Melissa, "A pendant is a necklace, right?" How can you not know what a pendant is? The women wait nervously until Evan and Paul arrive. Evan is wearing a sweater, black pants, and hiking boots, like, way to dress up to hand out diamond pendants, dude.

Evan says hello to the women and asks if they are rested, and if they're nervous. He guesses that they're not half as nervous as he is. They laugh politely. Evan says he knows they don't want speeches, so he'll cut to the chase. Melissa shoots Zora a dirty look. In an interview, Sarah says she goes into the elimination ceremonies with an idea of what might happen, and she's not that nervous about this one because she totally put out. I might have added on that last part. Paul calls out the first name, which is...oh dear God, they are really drawing this out. The string section gets a workout until Paul finally calls Sarah's name. In an interview, Evan says, "I think Sarah and I will do some bondage." What? That's what I heard. Let me check the captioning. Oh, he really said, "I think Sarah and I have really bonded." Sorry about that. Evan voice-overs that he doesn't think Sarah's feelings for him are all tied up with money. Sarah thanks Evan and sits back down.

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Joe Millionaire

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