Joe Millionaire
Diamond Necklace

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Diamond Necklace

The next morning, Sarah heads out onto the balcony in a robe. In an interview, Sarah says she's broken every rule she set for herself on the show. Evan asks Sarah if she's ready to go, and she says she still has to dry her hair, but they can say goodbye. In an interview, Evan says that he would rate Sarah's date a 9 on a romance level. In an interview, Sarah says she's used to the hotel and it feels like home. Wasn't she there barely twenty-four hours? Evan walks Sarah to the car and they kiss goodbye. As she heads for the plane, she voice-overs, "It really blew me away, and it takes a lot to blow me away." So...many...blowjob....jokes. Brain...cannot...compute. On the plane, Sarah says she could definitely get used to this and then they cut in a shot of the construction site and Bessie the Backhoe again to remind us of Evan's true love.

Evan voice-overs that after Sarah left, he was alone for the first time in weeks and he started feeling the weight of his decision. Evan sits on a bench and thinks real hard. I think smoke is coming out of his ears. And possibly his pants as well.

The three women sit in a...sitting room, I guess. Sarah bellows for Paul. He walks into the room and tells them that eliminations are the next day. They all thank him, and Melissa asks if he knows who will be eliminated. Paul asks if she knows and they all laugh. The women sit! And bells chime dramatically!

Evan walks onto the balcony of his hotel. In an interview, Evan says that it was getting too intense. Really, really fake thunder and lightning. Waves crashing. When did this turn into the "Boys of Summer" video? I think I just saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac. Evan sits in bed. They try to make it out like he's tossing and turning, but I totally think he's just watching TV. Then comes the cheesiest montage of all. They make it out like Evan is remembering when Alex introduced him as Evan Wallace, and said that he inherited fifty million dollars. Of course, it would be impossible for Evan to remember that, since he wasn't even there when she said it! Unless he's psychic like Zora.

3:30 A.M. Evan's voice echoes as he says, "I'm not a millionaire. I just spent a month pretending I'm a millionaire." Wow, really? So you mean he's like a lowly construction worker or something? In an interview, Evan says he needed to talk to someone about it, and that the only people who knew the secret of the show were the producers. Waves crash dramatically. Some on-screen text tells us that Evan is talking to Ray Giuliani, Producer. I wonder if he's related to Rudy. Also, in the footage they show us (which is all surveillance-style), Evan's movements totally don't match what he's actually saying, so it was clearly dubbed. Evan says he's had time to think, especially in the shower, and that the more time he spends by himself, he realizes that the girls haven't been able to know the real him from the start, and that it's not right. And he didn't realize it. Did he not understand the premise of the show? This revelation seems a bit too conveniently timed to happen just before the finale. Thunder and lightning. Evan says he has to go up to the woman he picks and explain that he lied the whole time. So he really doesn't feel bad about lying. He just doesn't want to have to deal with what happens when he tells the truth. Evan says he's been telling "blatant lies." Producer Ray reminds Evan that the whole thing is about finding out who likes him for him. Which still seems messed up to me, but whatever. Evan says he's never lied to get a girl in bed. Yeah, right. I've lied to get a girl into bed, and I've never slept with a girl. It's just that common. Evan concludes, "And now, I'm doing the biggest fucking...I'm living the biggest fucking lie in front of America [and Canada!] and I think it's just the most ironic fucking thing in the world. The more I think about it, the more it eats my fucking brain out, because I really like those girls." Wow it's a good thing Evan had those two entrees on his date with Sarah, because otherwise after eating his own brain, he'd definitely still be hungry. Also, ew. Also, shut up, Evan. Also, enough with the fake lightning already.

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Joe Millionaire




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