Joe Millionaire
Diamond Necklace

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | Grade It Now!
Diamond Necklace

Previously on Joe Millionaire: Hee! They've even ditched Alex from the voice-over portions now. The closed captions claim that Alex is doing the voice-over, but really it sounds like the guy who goes, "In a world..." during the movie previews. Anyway, Evan went on individual dates with each remaining woman. Evan and Sarah snuck off into the woods, and Sarah cried out, "Scandal!" Oh, if she only knew what The Smoking Gun was going to publish mere days later. Love the people at The Smoking Gun. Melissa said, if she had money, she would want to go to a Third World country and bathe the children, because she's a mercenary. I love how they changed her line, "I'm mercenary like that" to "I'm a mercenary." Just goes to show how much the editors can fuck things up if they so desire. Also, maybe Melissa should get together with Bono and they could record a remake of "Splish Splash I Was Taking a Bath" with all proceeds going to mercenary efforts. Mojo gave Evan a sad little puzzle. The other women crashed Zora and Evan's date in the hot tub. The announcer intones, "Mojo was banished" with the kind of intensity normally reserved for saying things like, "The sun turned dark and the seas turned red."

Mastercheese Theatre. Paul welcomes us back and tells us that Evan spared no expense to charter a private jet and take each girl on a private jet to the French Riviera. Paul notes that he wasn't invited to join them on the trips. That's okay. I heard he knows how to throw a party while his employer is out of town.

The women eat breakfast. Paul enters and tells Melissa that she needs to get packed by noon because they're taking her to the airport. Sarah gasps like he just said he was taking her to an adult video store. Paul adds that Evan is flying in on his private jet to pick Melissa up. The women all giggle helplessly. Sarah notes that Evan is stepping the dates up a notch. Melissa urges the other two to help her pack, and Zora's totally like, "Bitch, I haven't finished my bagel yet!" Melissa does a little jig as she walks off. I notice that she has her purse, like, who takes their purse down to breakfast? Maybe she was worried that Alex would float into her room and steal it while she's gone. Maybe Alex's soul is in that purse.

Melissa packs and whines about how stressed out she is. In an interview, Melissa says she started getting really scared. In an interview, Sarah says that the fact that the date is overnight makes it more stressful. Sarah tells Melissa to calm down, because she's getting stressed out, which is "not appealing." You know, another thing that bothers me about this show, as a feminist? Besides the entire premise, the way the women act, the way the men act, and the way I can't stop watching it? That the women really have nothing better to do than sit around and wait for Evan to take them out. It's like a super-exaggerated version of the 1950s, where the woman has to wait for the man to make the first move and can't possibly go out and make her own fun or, God forbid, call him. In an interview, Zora says it's weird because they are all dating the same guy. Well, Zora's dating him. Melissa is hounding him, and Sarah is probably blowing him. Sarah tells Melissa she shouldn't look like a sorority girl. Melissa does a final primp in front of the mirror. She's wearing a pink sweater, a black leather skirt, black tights, and black clunky shoes. She really does look like a college student. Paul asks if she's all packed, and Melissa says she's getting there.

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Joe Millionaire




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