Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: A | Grade It Now!
Crunk & Disorderly

Previously: Most of the girls (save JWOWW) still cared about Sammi Sourpuss, though they'd be better advised to get ready for nights out at Karma by listening to this song. And speaking of karma, The Situation got his ass handed to him by Vinny, who perpetrated a masterful robbery after a night out at da club. Even still, Sitch wouldn't touch Deena with a 10-foot pole. And too much self-isolation signaled the beginning of the end for SamRo 2.0... again.

We return mid-fight to Sammi and Ronnie. Each feels like he or she has been jerked around by the other, and, in an astounding feat of self-awareness, they both agree they're mentally fucked-up. Sammi thinks she owes Snooki an apology after learning what a two-timing low-life Ronnie was in Miami. If you're wondering wherefore art her sudden turn-about, see here. Ronnie coldly tells her to go and fix her friendships with Snooki and JWOWW. In essence, "Leave me the fuck alone, ya damn backpack."

Later that night, Vinny and Pauly play a giggle-filled game of netless Newcomb on the roof while the girls watch Snooki chomp into a whole, plain baked potato. JWOWW notes that she hasn't seen Snooki sober since they came to the Shore. The guys come down, and Snooki immediately launches into a gibberish-laced sexual offensive. Her target? Seabiscuit, a.k.a. Vinny's package. Vinny recognizes people will think he's crazy for turning down the cuca, but he thinks he's doing the gentlemanly thing, since Snooki is clearly drunk as an orange skunk.

Rebuffed by her one-time lovah, Snickers takes it upon herself to make some bidness happen between Sitch and Deena. She thinks the easiest way to ease the reluctant Sitch into the idea is to suggest a threesome. He accepts the slurred invitation, explaining in an interview that all guys dream of having a threesome. While Snooki and Deena wouldn't be his top choices, he figures it's like sexual training wheels. His dream is shattered when Snooki makes sure Deena is in his bed, then creeps over to Vinny's room. Vinny doesn't exactly turn her down, but Seabiscuit stumbles mid-race when Vinny smells the alcohol seeping out of Snooki's pores. She leaves grumpily. JWOWW tries to explain that Vinny cares about Snooki and doesn't want to take advantage of her, but Snooki thinks Vinny should "stop caring and fuck [her], man."

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Jersey Shore




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