Jersey Shore
We Are Family

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
The Bitchuation

The first taxi arrives, and SamRo 2.0 are first to depart. Ronnie is amazed how far they've come and actually acknowledges to his disgusting, glasses-smashing behavior the year before. (Note I didn't say "apologizes for" it.) He thinks the post-Shore reality might actually just work out for them this time. Sammi is amazed they didn't try to murder each other for three whole weeks in a row. "This is like a normal couple," she says. Ronnie: "Define 'normal.'"

Back at the house, Vinny jokes that now the kids can have the smush room back. Pauly gets in one last bromance insinuation, laughing, "I thought our room was the smush room!" Roger arrives with roses for JWOWW. "Sitchstradamus" claims to see the future -- Roger is going to get it in tonight. As she leaves, JWOWW compares the 110 days she has spent with the roommates to a jail sentence. Funny, that's just how I've felt these last 23 weeks with you jackbags!

Upstairs, Sitch claims he's been dying to know one thing the last three summers: "Are Jenni's boobs real?" And with that clunker of a joke he just officially became everyone's weird uncle. Luckily for everyone else, Sitchy's cab arrives. Everyone gives him a noncommittal hug except Snooki, who gives him a dead-fish handshake because she can't be bothered to get up from the hammock.

Vinny's mother arrives next, and he can tell it's her by her knock! It's kind of adorable, though considering Vinny adorable only brought a flashback of his gross lesbian-poaching antics. Vinny lets Mama Guadagnino in, and she is so horrified by the cottage cheese looking dross floating around in the indoor kiddie pool that she has to get out of there before vomiting and/or crossing herself and/or screaming, "Why, God? Why my son?!" Vinny leaves without the slightest acknowledgement of the end of his for-the-ages love affair with Pauly. For a moment, my heart broke into a million pieces. Technically not even for a second, I guess, because the door hasn't even closed before Vinny comes shrieking back in the house to embrace Pauly. They jump up and down and generally brolove all over each other. It's only right. In my perfect world, Vinny, Snooki, and Pauly would live in a polyamorous relationship together, with JWOWW stopping by occasionally to give them a reality check and be sexy with Pauly. (Remember those first few episodes? They were glorious!)

Vinny finally leaves, and Pauly sticks his lip out in a pout as the final three wait it out. Deena is next to go, though the Meatball goodbye is not nearly as touching as the end of the bromance. Deena notes that she'll miss even the looniest moments. "It's kind of like a soap opera," she says, "but I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of addicted to soap operas."

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Jersey Shore




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