Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: D | Grade It Now!
Two Twits Are Better Than One

Previously on We're "Celebrities" - And Companies Pay us Not to Wear Their Clothes: Snooki rejected Sitch, who acted all schmoopy in love with her. Ron and Sam acted stupid, but at least the show has learned to stop focusing on them. Sitch stirred the pot. And one can only assume that Lady Lola was sickened by this show, which leaves you all with me for the week.

Sitch and Booty Call Brittany finish up their business, he calls a cab, then is accosted by a bird while trying to sleep on their back deck. Which is the entire point of showing us anything about Sitch, I guess.

Much more important is what's going on with Ron and Snooki, who want to work out but cannot read a map (Snooki has an excuse at least: She's supposed to wear glasses but refuses to look ugly. Irony.) to find their way to the gym. So, of course, they stop to ask directions drink wine. Because, for Snooks, drinking a glass of wine in Italy is "legit" like anyone else drinking a cup of coffee. Which means only that she's an alcoholic. Over her wine and his sparkling water, Snooki and Ron talk about his relationship with Sam. Snooki wants them to be together, which she expresses by saying, "Just [bleep] already." She's quite the romantic.

Also romantic: Deena, who's having lunch with Sam and on a mission to find an Italian husband. She's so desperate that she asks the first guy she meets -- her waiter -- and asks for his number. After she gets his number, she tells Sam that "He actually speaks well English." Well enough for Deena at least.

Ron and Snooki have made it to the gym by now, where the trainer's creeping on Snooki (while he helps her lift, she shrieks that she can feel his wiener) and burping wine burps from lunch (or breakfast or whatever meal they drank on their way to the gym). They finish up their workouts and head out to get drunk. (It's dark now. So they spent their entire waking daylight IN ITALY at the gym. Brilliant.)

Back at the apartment, Pauly and Vinny are playing foosball until it's time to go out. On the way out, Sitch tells everyone that Brittany's twin sister is going to join in the festivities tonight. JWOWW tries not to barf. At the club, Snooki quickly gets lost, which leads to shrieking. She explains her new method of partying now that she's in a relationship, because she's committed. This entails dancing with Ron and then telling us how fun he is now that he loves life. Cue Sam coming over to bring him down by wanting to have a serious conversation. Ron tells her he'll talk to her tomorrow afternoon when they're not drunk. She seems to go for it. Deena's waiter, Ellis, shows up at the club, which seems to both surprise and impress Sam. Ellis and Deena start making out immediately, and they do a little Deena special: the Jersey Turnpike. It's hard to believe this is as much entertainment as the editors can cobble together.

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Jersey Shore




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