Jersey Shore
Three Men and a Snooki

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: A- | Grade It Now!
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BYOK (Bring Your Own Karma)

The night begins once everyone has embraced his or her character (by which I mean him- or herself). Sitting in a chair and checking out the girls as they grind on each other, The Situation is wearing a blinding white track suit with a matching backward cap. Ronnie comments, "Mike is definitely doing the same thing he does back in Jersey -- just sitting in the corner and looking like the biggest creep ever." I am in heaven, y'all. Things really kick into high gear when Pauly sets off the flashing lights and Vinny starts dancing like a maniac. They pull out some vintage moves like that weird, Capoeira-style punch battle that guidos so love. And, even in the midst of all this, Deena manages to fall down! She pops up and is all, "I'm good. I'm good." If I closed my eyes, I'd really think they were in Seaside. But then I would miss the pouf (THE POUF!) and the leopard print sunglasses! I am dying. This is the greatest thing ever committed to film after Citizen Kane and Vice Squad. Pauly may claim he's having the best day of his life, but it's me, y'all. It's me.

And, just like in Seaside, as the night progresses, Snooki gets increasingly frisky with her roommates. First up is Sitch, who has a flirtatious encounter (complete with blurred panties action) when Snooki asks him to take off her shoes. He thinks he's got a shot now that Jionni's gone and vows to play it cool. So he creeps up on her while she dances against a column. He invites her out to the smoking patio, where he asks, "Snooki, why don't you just break up with Jionni and let me rock that world, girl?" The peanut gallery (JWOWW and Deena) scream, "Ewwwwwww!" Sitch insists he can take care of Snooki better than anyone, but JWOWW thinks he's just trying to screw with her life. She asks, "Why Nicole?" Sitch answers, "Because she gets me." As proof of their connection, he explains that he always texts her back. Man. That's an unbreakable bond right there.

Snooki tells Sitch he's being a crazy person, to which he retorts, "Then why do we hook up all the time?" She drops her head in defeat -- but doesn't deny it! (Then again, maybe it's so absurd that she doesn't even have the energy to argue.) She tells him to shut up. Instead, he tells her he loves her and says he would date her if she didn't have a boyfriend. JWOWW and Deena take that as their cue and leave Snooki to fend for herself. Sitch zeroes in on Snooki's chief weakness, saying that he doesn't like how Jionni treats her. "Nobody does," she says forlornly.

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Jersey Shore

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