Jersey Shore
Three Men and a Snooki

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Lady Lola: A- | Grade It Now!
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BYOK (Bring Your Own Karma)

While they're gone, the guys head home, so they join them there and immediately abscond to the bathroom to see if Deena has a polpetta poco nel forno. Everyone else is snugly tucked in their beds while Deena and JWOWW wait it out to find out if Deena is with guido. After five minutes, Deena goes into the bathroom and learns that she is blessedly not pregnant. Fetuses of the world, you're safe for another day!

The next day, Snooki puts on her best Kentucky Derby hat and calls Jionni. He tells her his plane ride home was terrible and admits he's still upset over the other night's events. So much so that he calls her a pig. Classy. Snooki finally stands up for herself, telling Jionni that he's the reason she's been depressed since she came to Italy and that she doesn't deserve to be treated like he treats her. He keeps spitting bile at her, so she finally tells him she's going to hang up and not call him for several days. Go Snooki! She hangs up, and he calls her five seconds later. I'm no expert on abusive relationships, but this seems to squarely fit the definition, no?

Everyone jumps to support Snooki, albeit in their own twisted ways. For example, Ronnie's like (paraphrasing), "Yeah, what he did was messed up, but I never would have let you leave the house looking like such a slut." Not exactly a healthy mentality, but this is Ronnie we're talking about. JWOWW points out, again, that Snooki was just acting the way she always does. If Jionni's not okay with her shtick, he should have never started dating her in the first place. She tells Snooki, "You shouldn't have to change for any man. You find a man that will accept you." All the while she is wearing some seriously badass fingerless biker gloves. I <3 JWOWW.

Snooki agrees with everyone that she's not being herself. She says, "I can't be in Italy anymore. I need to get nails done, and I need to shop, and I need to get fuckin' Jersey tired, I just need to go to Karma." She adds, "I swear to god, if I just went to Karma tonight, I would feel fine." And that's when lightning strikes! Snooki shrieks at the top of her lungs and walks back into the room like a woman on a mission. She tells Pauly to dust off his DJ equipment. They can get booze and create a makeshift Karma in the Florentine apartment. This is just what these kids needed. They are psyched and ready to beat the shit out of that beat. FTD!

They start the preparations, first considering whether they should pick up days worth of trash -- mainly booze bottles -- that is scattered all over the floor. JWOWW notes, "This is like Karma, actually," and Snooki cheers, "Yeah! Let's leave it!" Pauly sets up his DJ booth, and the girls get Jerseyfied to the max. I'm talking ratted hair, bra-exposing dresses, gallons of bronzer... Vinny sets up shop in the bathroom to practice his dance moves. Pauly makes the mistake of walking in at one point, and Vinny yells at him, "I'm practicing, dude, get out! You don't come in the bathroom when I'm practicing!" This is awesome. It's like that weird interlude when Vinny and Pauly decided to "pretend" to be guidos (and, in fact, they're wearing the same outfits right now), except it's way less confusing because they've totally given up the meta and are straight-up embracing what trashbag walking stereotypes they are. It's moments like this when these kids are at their best.

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Jersey Shore

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