Jersey Shore
Three Men and a Snooki

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Lady Lola: A- | Grade It Now!
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BYOK (Bring Your Own Karma)

A bit later, it's Pity Party, Table for 1 as Snooki heads outside and moans what a loser she is and how she needs to change herself if she ever wants to get married. As she repeats her new mantra, "I hate myself," JWOWW joins her on the smoking patio. Somehow, The WOWW has convinced herself that she's the asshole because she wouldn't just let Snooki be great. And by "great," I mean a crazy drunk fool with a plaintive voice that makes ears spurt blood. JWOWW resolves to help Snooki find Jionni, who is most likely still in the city, so off she goes a-sleuthin'. In the meanwhile, Sammi comes out to give such brilliantly backhanded words of consolation like, "Who cares if your face is a mess? ... You like ni-- You look... like you." Ha!

Inside, JWOWW calls Jionni, who actually answers this time. She gets it out of him that he's no longer in Florence, then he tries to hang up. She begs him to return and, failing that, convinces him to at least talk to Snooki on the phone. Snooki wipes the tears from her face and tries to collect herself as she walks to the phone. Of course, the minute she starts talking to him, she's in hysterics again. All he can muster is a wan, "You don't know what you did to me. I can't talk about it." Seriously? I am generally willing to suspend disbelief for this show, but I smell the stink of producer intervention here. And clearly Jionni's not so good at the line memorizin'. When Snooki begs him to come back, he ludicrously says he can't because he took a train to Rome. Wow, Jionni. You're a whole hour and a half away? That distance really is insurmountable!

Snooki does not help matters as she starts to curse Jionni and say their relationship is done. While Snooki takes shelter in Deena's sweet, sweet knockers, JWOWW tries to salvage things, going so far as offering to pay for Jionni's return ticket. Jionni reveals that, in fact, he's not even in Rome. He's in the Florence train station and tells JWOWW to bring Snooki to meet him there. As Snooki flits around bitching about Jionni, everyone agrees, including Sammi, "She's definitely having a Sam moment." I'm kind of liking New Sammi! Seeing what a twit Snooki's being, she has some gotten her head out of her own ass and become cool. This must be a sign of the apocalypse.

The girls leave, checking each other's fake lashes along the way. As you do. JWOWW catches sight of Jionni. Snooki scampers up to him, and his first instinct is... to pull a hair (or something) out of her mouth? WTF is wrong with this guy? Snooki's like, "Hug me you jackhole!" Instead, he tells her he has to go, that his plane ticket has already been changed (by his mom -- what a real man!). Snooki offers to pay him back, the money for which she has literally probably earned (and then some) within the time frame of this exchange. But Jionni won't budge. They walk and talk and somehow come to a sort of understanding. Snooki still feels horrible, but thinks their relationship will be repaired over time. He apologizes for freaking out, kisses her, and tells her he loves her before walking off the catch his train. Snooki walks inside and only makes it one step before collapsing into a ball and weeping into the stairs. On the upside, Snooki's tears are probably washing away the impurities of all the hooker heels those stairs have seen.

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Jersey Shore

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