Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C- | Grade It Now!
Sleeping with the Enemy

After T-shirt time, the kids finally head out. Angelina gets three-sheets wasted and randomly ensconces herself in the bicurious scene. Meanwhile, Sitch starts publicly smushing on some girl that is too wasted to A.) coordinate her mouth and teeth so she doesn't bite him to the point of bleeding and/or B.) keep herself upright long enough not to fall off the bed-shaped banquette and expose her underwear to America. The bar is high, folks. Also? Pauly hooks up with an engaged girl. Angelina takes this be some sort of a big deal, which is doubly rich because not only was Angelina running around with a married man last season but also, given his escapades with JWoWW, clearly Pauly doesn't give a fuck. And he tells Angelina as much. Her response? "I love you." He responds by walking away and telling his bros to jump on her like a grenade. AFA: Angelina Free America!

Eventually, the kids get home and groan about how they have to work in the morning. The Situation, Angelina, and Pauly are the only ones still awake for the drunk binging. Naturally, Angelina stirs shit back up about Pauly hitting it with a married (read: engaged) girl. Sitch points out Angelina's hypocrisy but still tries to keep things congenial by reminding her everyone has to get their smush on. Pauly, on the other hand, tells her to step the eff off and the only reason he doesn't give her shit about her romantic entanglements is because he hates her -- just like everyone else.

Angelina out of nowhere tells both of them that she loves them and would marry them. Situation escapes in the chicken finger making while Pauly glosses over her heartfelt admission and asks her to stay out of his business. He says the conversation's over, and she starts crying like a little bitch. Oh, but wait! She lashes out, telling Pauly and Sitch that they don't care. And underscored to the sounds of Mike's crumpling freezer bags, she smacks Pauly! It's not even a kick-ass, in-your-face JWoWW punch, either. Just a wilting slap across the cheek as insincere as it was lame. Pauly tries to maintain his composure as Sitch tells Angelina all the kinds of fucked-up she's acting.

Seeing that she won't come over to his side, Situation takes leave. Angelina turns to Pauly, who barely looks at her. He interviews that Angelina had only two friends in the house to begin, and now she has none. The guys head outside to vent about Angelina's bipolar behavior. Of course she follows them out, so Pauly repeats what he said during the interview, only a hundred times louder and infinitely meaner. In sum: "We hate you, Angelina. Drop dead, you stupid skag."

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Jersey Shore




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