Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: C- | Grade It Now!
Sleeping with the Enemy

A bit later, all the guys return home to prepare dinner for everyone. Angelina immediately zones in on Ronnie for a conversation in which they both pretend they don't remember what happened the night before -- each with completely opposite motivations, each thinking they're being all clever and coy in their pretense. God almighty, these people are stupid. At any rate, Angelina advises Ronnie to remain single. Probably just because she hasn't banged him yet, and she needs him to make herself a house hub. Good luck with Vinnie there, Ange! Laughably, she says Sammi brings "too much drama." Ronnie blandly agrees, claiming the timing's off.

As this is happening, Sitch finishes putting the chicken in the marinade. He makes a point to tell everyone to make sure to be careful opening the fridge because it would be "funny as Hell" if all the meat fell on top of someone. And you know he is talking about Snooki. Cut to the girls' return. Snooki makes a beeline for the fridge so she can chomp on some pickles. And.... bang! There goes the chicken! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Snooki. The new millennium's answer to Charlie Chaplin.

Later that night, Sammi finds Ronnie's ex-girlfriend's name while looking through the house phone book and, naturally, makes a BFD about it. She confronts him, and he tells her simply to act "like a normal person." I will go on record to say this is the one and only time I'll ever agree with Ronnie. Sammi goes into confession to say how much she loves Ronnie. Because of this love, she says her mind is "fucked up and twisted." I will go on record to say this is the one and only time I'll ever agree with Sammi.

Between drama cuts, the debate over the chicken Snooki dropped on the floor continues. Amazingly, we learn that these kids do at least have one standard: They won't eat chicken off the floor. Weirdly, Vinnie would consider it more than anyone else. Does anyone else find this ironic? So The Situation tries to order some food. Only he insists on ordering under the name "The Situation." Hilarity ensues.

Ronnie heads outside to talk turkey with JWoWW. She tells him it's inevitable that Sammi will find out what he's been up to. He admits the extent of his craziness the night before, therefore making it inevitable that Sammi will find out what he's been up to. Am I the only one slapping myself on the forehead right now?

In another total non sequitur, we learn that the bathroom in the Miami house is translucent, and we can see all of JWoWW's bits. Also, Angelina on the phone all the livelong day, and it pisses off her roommates (who hate her) because she doesn't interact with them (even though they hate her). Also, the show's story editors are struggling to find content to fill an hour in the second episode. Not good.

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Jersey Shore




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