Jersey Shore
The Follow Game

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now!
The Tri-Funk-Ta, or Meatball Walking

Vinny is in the midst of prowling for chicks. He lands on a DTF girl named Deanna that he admits isn't really up to standards. She's only a 5-6 looks-wise when he's looking for a 7-8. I utterly disagree and think she's super-cute, but it's no matter because he sends Deanna to marinate with Deena while he looks for better options. He quickly lands eyes on an Eve Mendes lookalike named Nikki and starts chatting her up. There's a brief moment when Deanna returns. It looks like Vinny is busted, but he pulls a one-two punch, innocently introducing her to Nikki (and bless her, she smiles and says hi like she on The Bachelor where this kind of bunk is acceptable) before Deena swoops in to take Deanna back to the dance floor. Of course Deena is actually proud of herself for this bullshit that only entitles these jackholes to continue to brutally objectify women and bolster their own inflated egos. Hrmph.

Across the club, Snooki is still sad that JWOWW flaked and decides she's drunk enough to stumble home alone. She initially tries to walk through a glass door, which works... not so well. Eventually she finds her way out onto the Boardwalk, where she sways and staggers and generally walks like a fresh-legged toddler. She does acknowledge that the Boardwalk is at least easier to walk on drunk than the Florentine cobblestones. Luckily, this lonely little adventure does not turn into a Lifetime abduction movie, and Snooki safely arrives home and passes out in all her clothes and shoes. Again. Fingers crossed the antibiotics have kicked in and she doesn't wet the bed tonight.

Back at Aztec, Nikki informs Vinny she's a girl-on-girl kind of girl. Instead of shutting him down and sending him into the arms of Deanna (who's still dancing with Deena), this only piques Vinny's interest. With his soft features, he thinks he would be a great transition for a lesbian back to straight society. I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit on Nikki's lesbianism. Either way, whether she likes girls or boys, it's clear she loves the camera because she goes home with the gang and lets Vinny drape his arms all over her along the way. All the while, poor desperate Deanna trails behind with Deena, little droplets of dignity and self-respect trailing behind her. Congratulations, Deanna, you just became Plan B! Even Deena says of Deanna, "She has no idea what the hell she's getting herself into." As everyone heads inside, Nikki says it's the end of the line, and there's old Plan B waiting in the wings.

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Jersey Shore




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