Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: D | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Remembrance of Things Smashed

Julissa moves on, asking the guys how they know a girl is DTF, though she starts saying "Down..." and has to self-censor, probably just mercifully giving the bleep machine operators a break. Pauly says he has an ingrained DTF meter, grossly adding that he "can smell it." Vinny clarifies that certain perfumes imply DTF. I'm guessing anything from Britney Spears' collection and this. They do admit that, in a last-ditch scenario, they'll just ask a girl if she's DTF. (Or try to bully her into being DTF, if you believe Annabelle DeSisto.) Vinny clarifies that if you're afraid of the outcome of the DTF Q&A, it probably won't be A-OK, much like with trannies as I'm sure Sitch can attest.

The MVP inquisition continues as Julissa introduces a video package showing how The Situation often hurt his boys' game rather than helped it, including but not limited to Ms. DeSisto, the expulsion of the Canadian blondies, and the attempted robbery of Ramona. In short, Sitch is a greedy bitch and a sore loser. Sitch claims he never cock blocked Pauly, but Snooki insists he spoiled Pauly's game on at least two occasions. Pauly admits that The Situation's "crazy aggressive style" can go either way and that he's not the best wing man. Sitch acknowledges as much. Ronnie calls out Sitch for being shady with Ramona. Vinny says he heard that Sitch had pulled similar antics with many girls but says he's not sour about it. MVP 4eva!

The boys head up to the group couch, and Snooki takes her place on the love seat. She admits she still has a crush on Vinny, then Julissa introduces a package of Snooki and Vinny's drunken hook-ups. Sample pick-up line: "Come on, I'm comfortable. I'm all cotton." Vinny characterizes Snooki as genuine and "DTS -- Down To Snuggle." Snooki, in turn, talks up Vinny's downstairs endowments. Julissa asks Vinny to explain the attraction. He says, in essence, they were in the same place, at the same time, and "it just happens." He's sure they'll probably hook up more but knows they're both in a playing-the-field stage of life. He blushes a little when Julissa asks if he gets jealous. Snooki interjects that she views Vinny as a brother figure, and everyone cops to the inherent weirdness of that analogy.

And now comes the Angelina segment. Everybody groan with me! Lowlights: teasing watch man Jose, hooking up with Dennis, horrifying beach guy Mike, smushing with Vinny (who coined the nickname "The Staten Island Dump"), smacking Pauly and Sitch, taking part in that damn note, lying about that damn note, and wrapping it all up in an earring-removing, rolling-on-the-floor fight with Snooki. Ronnie enumerates roommate-by-roommate all the ways that Angelina crossed her roommate, then everyone has a good, double standard-fueled laugh about how Angelina may have been a cheap tramp but didn't put out when Jose got her a Fossil watch. Damn her for not being an a low-budget prostitute!

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Jersey Shore

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