Jersey Shore
Meatball Mashup

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!

On a lighter note, the boy and girl crews separately go shopping, where JWOWW busy the biggest pink straw hat ever, and Ronnie tries on a blinding white mesh wife beater. When they arrive, the meatballs are still sleeping. Vinny declares, "It smells like hot sweat and regret in here." Deena emerges from the room looking like a hard-boiled zombie, and Vinny makes all sorts of lewd double entendres that I shan't repeat. I am a Lady (look, it's in my name)! Long story short, neither of them remember anything past dinner. Deena takes the comfort of the potentially date raped, saying, "I don't know... usually when I do sex, even if I'm blacked out, I know I did sex." JWOWW and Sammi waste no time in filling them on the night's cuca-filled, tongue-tangling lowlights. JWOWW suggests she saw a blanket prop-up that resembled cunnilingus knees, but Snooki won't believe it. She also refuses to believe that Jionni might be mad at this little indiscretion. All the while, she is brushing her teeth with her finger because she couldn't be bothered to bring a tooth brush. This is the pinnacle of class, friends.

The kids pile in the car to head home, the highlight of which is Snooki driving for miles with the park break on. They arrive home, and Snooki immediately calls Jionni. All the roommates sit as close as possible so they can eavesdrop on the conversation. She opens with, "Are you done being mad at me?" Jionni insists he was never mad at her. Is one of the side effects of steroid use memory loss, or does he just have early onset Alzheimer's? Perhaps a couple of personalities like United States of Jionni? That would probably help if you're dating Snooki, actually. Jionni asks how the vacation went, and she's all chipper, like, "It was super-fun!" He asks if she did anything bad, and she has to come clean. As she circles around it, two things are happening: First, Pauly is pissing himself with anticipatory glee. Second, JWOWW is realizing that Jionni's reaction will determine whether Snooki stays or leaves Italy. Snooki finally comes out with it, so to speak, and Jionni takes a long pause before basically saying, "Whaddayagonnadowhadeva..." Snooki flashes a big smile and gives her roommates the thumbs-up. With that, they hang up on what was basically the most civil, functional, healthy conversation of their entire relationship (at least what we've seen of it). I cannot even begin to explain the levels on which that is fucked. So I won't.

The next morning, Sitch leads the charge toward his and the meatballs shift at the pizzeria. Highlight of the morning: The boss makes fun of Snooki's Teresa Giudice Yeti shoes. Highlight of the afternoon: Snooki and Deena hide in trash cans. Also, even sober Deena falls over. As they leave, they switch up the refrain with a little more pep, Snooki saying, "Whateva," and Deena completing the thought, "Whattayagonnado?"

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Jersey Shore




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