Jersey Shore
Meatball Mashup

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!

They finally finish, and the kids get into cabs to head to the discoteca. Inside, Deena slurs something that I watched about five times and still could not decipher. I think the last word was "shop," but it might have been "shot." Also, the word "shiny" might have been in there. Either way, Deena is all kinds of pleased with herself and makes the cutest little drunk-smile after before her head becomes too heavy and falls forward like an infant's. Haven't we all been there? Leave it to Sammi to piss all over Deena's parade. She suggests Deena stay home for the night, which Deena refuses, then interviews about how miserable her night is going to be because she's going to "have to take care of [her] friend." Friends are the worst! Oh, shut up, Sammi. I get where she's coming from, for sure, but it's the fact that it's Sammi. Coming from anyone else, this sentiment would be fairly reasonable. But spouting from the lips of the biggest drama queen who has relied the most on her roommates over these past several years, it's shitty. Sammi sucks at life is what I'm saying.

To be fair, JWOWW is also dreading the night to come -- not helped by Snooki burping straight in her face and asking, "Smell that?" Deena rambles some more about missing her friends (who are in the car with her) and playing Frisbee. JWOWW's all, "This sounds like the car ride home, not to the club!" Snooki: "Whaddayagonnadowhadeva..."

That should be the new name of the show. Deena suddenly gets a rough edge to her, spitting out a bleeped string of expletives that ends with, "I have no shame." All Sammi can do is nod her head.

Inside the club, it's more shots for Team Meatballs and all sorts of crrrrrazy sparkler dancing for Ronnie. Please light yourself on fire, please light yourself on fire! Okay... not gonna happen, I guess. Bah. Snooki grows petulant when JWOWW tries to adjust her clothing so her underwear doesn't show. For her part, JWOWW's not happy to take on this maternal role either. While that battle is simmering, Sitch attacks some girl's face with his mouth. Back to the ladies, where Deena is dropping it low in front of a Plexiglas railing. Only, she is going commando. She says later, "Whatever! I forgot to put underwears on!" Like, "So what if I left the AC unit on all day" or "Yeah, I left the TV on. What of it?" Not like "Oh dear, a bunch of strangers just saw my cooch. I'll sure learn from that!" Like Snooki, Deena doesn't like being told what to do, so she keeps dancing as men all around her shatter the ground with their jaws. Sums up JWOWW, "All I know is that Deena needs a wax."

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Jersey Shore




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