Jersey Shore
Meatball Mashup

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B | Grade It Now!

The next day, the gang packs. For Sammi and Snooki, that involves comparing panties. For JWOWW and The Situation, it basically means repacking their respective closets. Twenty-four hours requires at least 45 outfits, no? For Ronnie, that involves throwing some bananas and underpants into a plastic bag. The girls wrap up their final confessional with a "Team Cuca!" cheer before setting off. Seeing all the bags the ladies and Sitch are carrying, Pauly asks, "You do realize we've got a Fiat, right?" They get outside, and Snooki wonders, "Why do we have toy cars?" Then hilarity ensues as the kids strap their bags to the top of the tiny cars. Not satisfied that the roof has a high probability of caving in on her, Snooki asks as they roll out, "I wonder if there are shops where we can buy clothes?" They hit the road, and it's basically every embarrassing road trip stereotype you can think of, including but not limited to Dina shaking her ass at the dash camera and Sitch declaring, "Holy macaroni, we're going to Riccione!" Ugh. These kids are really running out of material, eh?

They arrive at their hotel and immediately get to drankin'. Pauly thinks it looks like Seaside, but Snooki thinks it's more like Hawaii or like "the border of a continent. You know, like, by... ocean?" The guys head out to explore and final La Situazione, Mike's Italian doppelganger. Seriously, it's uncanny. I suspect La Situazione would fare better on Ballando con le Stelle if given the chance. (Then again, a coat hanger would have been better than Sitch.)

Meanwhile, the ladies head beachward in their big hats and tiny swimsuits. Facing a stiff breeze, Snooki jokes, "My nipples ah hahd." Deena teases, "Can I lick them later?" Pay attention to those words, people. The show just discovered foreshadowing. They dip their toes in the water, and Snooki screams, "Italian whale sperm!" Still holding fast to that belief, I see. Having officially seen the beach, the ladies (mainly Snooki) decide they need to get wasted, stat. They give the beach bartender his marching order to get them blasted, so he makes them some shots. Then some more shots. Then some more shots. They shout and slobber and do no-hands shots and introduce the bartender to the phrase, "Blast in a glass! Blast in a glass!" Or as he would know it, "Esplosione in un bicchiere!" Deena tells the locals, "I had no idea Italy had, like, a Caribbean island in it." She also says she has no idea what the night will hold. Cue yet more shots.

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Jersey Shore




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