Jersey Shore
Crime and Punishment

Episode Report Card
Rachel Stein: C | Grade It Now!
The C Word

Hey y'all! I'm subbing in for Lady Lola while she's no doubt taking an intensive language course so she can come back soon and just write these Weecaps entirely in Italian. I wish her buona fortuna.

Previously: Ronnie and Sammi are back together (but doesn't he have some sweet honey visiting him soon? Hannah? Is that just not going to happen?), Deena made out with a girl and passed her on to Vinny and Sitch is a snitch -- and I think I believe him about the whole Snooki thing. I don't know why, I just have a sensazione. (Okay, that's her thing and not mine!)

All of the roommates are sleeping, the sun is rising, and Twin One is rolling out of Mike's bed. Twin Two is still in bed with Vinny and I believe the soundtrack song is about double fisting. Some time (could be seconds, could be hours) passes and now the house is twinless. As Vinny recounts the story to Ronnie, he insults Deena's tag-teaming skills, accusing her of committing robbery. Ronnie immediately tells Sam and Snooki the story and they're sooo grossed out. The moon moves at a rapid speed and now the guys are out for Italian food. At least it's not like they're going to McDonald's; that's something to be happy about, because wouldn't it be so depressing if these completely overprivileged reality stars got flown out to Florence only to eat at fast food chains that also exist here? Think about it.

Mike yet again tells the humiliating tale of his and Snooki's hook up, swearing on that sister of his who Vinny hooked up with in Season One. Meanwhile, the girls talk over wine (Italian coffee) and band together. I like seeing JWOWW eat, I feel like they show a good amount of shots of that for the fans. I also like that big hat! Go JWOWW!

Blame it on the fact that it happened just a few hours ago and there's absolutely nothing for anyone to talk about, but everyone is obsessed with Deena's "lesbian moment". It's the new l****** a******.

Snooki gets on the phone with Jionni to clear the air before Mike does any damage, which is actually pretty grown up of her. I would've expected her to attach a cryptic letter to a pigeon's talon. He is suspicious, but seems to believe her and he's going to be here in three weeks! At the same time as Hannah? Uh ohhhh(?).

The guys cook a lovely Sunday dinner, while the girls are trying to dress as "40-year-old from the Yonkahs", but it kind just looks like what they normally dress like, expect for maybe Sammi wearing something besides a scowl. So things are awkward, as they often are after weekends of heavy drinking where everyone is terrible to one another. This conversation isn't as offensively homophobic as I would have feared, because everyone really seems to care less about Deena hooking up with another woman and way more about committing robbery. Pauly rises from his chair and screams in his theatrical voice, as he does. Vinny seems really hurt; it's lame and needlessly dramatic.

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Jersey Shore




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