Jersey Shore
Control the Crazy

Episode Report Card
DeAnn Welker: B- | Grade It Now!

Did you know MTV and the cast are having a special fundraising event next week called Restore the Shore? Why didn't they ever offer to do this after all the damage they themselves caused? I know I shouldn't make light, because the hurricane is tragic and I am not making light of that. I am making fun of this show and this network for trying to be heroic. I mean, sure, I guess they have brought some publicity to the shore, but not in a good way. And fans of this show just don't seem like they'd be the target demographic for restoration fundraising. But I guess we'll see... Prove me wrong, Jersey Shore. Previously: Mike let girls grind on him, because that's not a big deal. Deena was a drunk mess and her mom didn't like it. Neither did Ronnie. Opening. "I'm going to Jersey Shore, Bitch!" Lorenzo is going to be so proud of his mama.

We open back on Deena crying and Ron being a jerk by laughing at her. As if he's never been drunk and out of control. He does tell her that they're here for her and want to know what's actually wrong with her instead of just listening to her cry. Pauly tells her to sleep it off, and then narrates that she needs to calm down on the day drinking and "pace herself, like a normal person does in Jersey." Vinny takes her outside and tries to get her to breathe, but she says she can't. She keeps crying that she needs to go home, but he tells her to trust him and tries to talk her off the ledge. Inside, they're all mocking and making fun. Except Sam, who says she wants to console her friend, but it's become a repetitive problem now and is causing her stress. They think she calls her parents too often, because they baby her. Vinny tells Deena she can't decide to go home until she's calm and not having anxiety (what he means is not drunk, but he's gentleman enough not to say it). She says she wants to see her mom. Inside, Ron calls her mom and tells them they don't need to come down -- that the problem is just that she's had too much to drink and needs to sleep it off. Her mom says they'll be there in about 20 minutes. Deena comes inside and everyone tells her how much they love her. Now that she's happier, they start making masturbation jokes. I hope they've saved some of this material for their fundraiser.

Deena stays at the house to wait for her parents, but the rest of the gang heads back to Karma. When Deena's parents show up with a chicken Caesar wrap, she's so happy to see them. Her mom lectures her about drinking and Deena claims she's not drinking because she's depressed; she's just having a good time. She just wanted a Meatball day. Her mom reminds her she had one last week. Her mom tells her she's going to go to jail, but Deena tells her she just needs to stop calling and checking on her (um, is this the same girl who was just crying for her mommy?). They argue a bunch more. Deena's main argument is that she just drinks to have a good time, but her mom wants her to go see a psychologist. Deena says she and her mom will always be okay, though. They tell each other they love each other and they annoy each other. And then her parents leave.

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Jersey Shore




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