Jersey Shore
Ciao, Italia

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Same Shit, Different Country

Previously: As the gang readied themselves to return to the Shore, suddenly it was "Let's all rag on Sitch night!" Which, to be fair, was coming for a long time. Nonetheless... arbitrary. You schmoes couldn't wait a week more to give yourself some distance? Nope, such is not the behavior of the Jersey animal.

La casa. The Situation is passive-aggressively taking out his anger at his roommates by randomly ninja kicking walls and muttering things about eating faces. Snooki sums it up best: "I hear Mike walkin' around, bein' a fuckin' weirdo." It's not even like he's drunk. He's just slowly, gradually dissociating with reality. Then again, if I were The Situation, I'd probably need a break from myself (and my jackhole roommates) every now and again... He decides to pay his lil' Snickerdoodle a visit because she's the only roommate who has stayed in that night. As he talks to her, she puts on her sleeping mask, curls up with a stuffed animal, and goes to bed. Not a word of acknowledgment. It's like he's not even there. Thought: What if all this time The Situation were Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense or one of the characters in American Horror Story? What if he rammed his head into the wall and went to the hospital -- as we saw -- but never actually came home? Or maybe she just hates his ass.

A moment later, the rest of the housemates get home, and Ronnie's in a fighting mood. Sammi encourages Ronnie to confront Sitch right then and there. Ronnie actually wakes Sitch up to talk to him. Because that's definitely a good idea. Even I would be ornery at that kind of intrusion. They head out to the smoking porch, where Ronnie reiterates all the drama Sitch has caused in Italy. He tells him to redress all problems with his roommates and delivers and ultimatum: "If you can't fix [your issues], you gotta go." Sitch is at once aware that he's suddenly the villain of the house and baffled by it. Sitch says he's over it, that he's been alone the last few days and prefers it that way. At this, Ronnie dishes out the greatest insult of all: "If he wants to act like Angelina, let him act like Angelina." Pivarnick burn! Ronnie goes back inside, where Sammi validates him, saying that Sitch "needs a man to tell him what's right." The implication is that Ronnie's a man... a fallacious supposition if I ever heard one. I'm pretty sure any other person in the house, including Deena, would have been more up to that task. She concludes, "If he fucks with me in Jersey, I'll fuckin' kill him." And in case we didn't hear the first time, "I'll fuckin' kill him." Note that folks, if Sitchy's body ever goes missing, you know where to look first.

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Jersey Shore

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