Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: D | Grade It Now!
Breaking Plates & Broken Records

Previously: How does Ronnie get all that ass? And how is Sammi this dumb? Is it all about to blow up in their faces? Fingers crossed!

Da club. Ronnie dry smushes up on some hoochies at the club, underscored by an interview with The Situation in which he explains that Sammi is getting punk'd and that Ronnie's the President of the IFF, or I'm Fucked Foundation.

Speaking of punks, Snooki makes her nightly call to Emilio. He picks up, also at da club, and slurs a bunch of drunken idiotic grunts at her. She raises her voice because he says he can't hear her in da club. Logically, he gets pissy that she's screaming at him, tells her he's going to find another orange midget to pound out, and hangs up. She screams like a maniac before wishing an STD on him. Which is pretty stupid considering it would be more effective just to invite him down to the house and let the herpes nest do all the work for her. Snooki interviews that men are such jerk-offs that the lesbian rate in America is on the rise. I'm not so sure on the documentation on that one, particularly since I don't think, say, a Meredith Baxter Birney or a Kelly McGillis has had dealings with the likes of Emilio. Tila Tequila maybe...

Snooki takes her shit show to the girls' room, waking up Sammi in the process. Snooki moans what a bad idea it was to come to MIA with a boyfriend. This prompts Sammi to wonder if Ron Ron Douche is really screwing around on her. Snooki and JWOWW, who are fully aware that he is, hem and haw uncomfortably, further setting off Sammi's paranoia. JWOWW tries to skirt the issue by saying Sammi should be single "for [her] own sanity." Sammi turns her attention to Snooki, who wisely points out that it's not a good sign that Ronnie chose to stay at the club rather than go home with his supposed girlfriend. Snooki interviews that she and JWOWW are in a tough position because it's inevitable that Sammi will find out not only about Ronnie's cheating but also that the other girls knew. Sammi warns she'll be upset with the other girls if they're keeping things from her.

Cut back to da club, where all the other roommates watch Ronnie getting double teamed by some wannabe hookers and scamming girls' digits. Angelina interviews that Sammi looks like a fool, but she's in no position to break this kind of news. Never stopped her before!

Back home, JWOWW and Snooki have retreated to the patio, where they are fretting about what to do re: Sammi. They don't want to lose her as a friend and agree that something needs to be done soon. They get their chance when Sammi joins them outside, cursing a blue streak about what a lying liar Ronnie is. She charges them to "find out" whether Ronnie's creeping. Instead of coming out with it, they pass the buck to Angelina. JWOWW does bring up the salient point that maybe Sammi should work harder to find out about Ronnie's extracurricular activities because she doesn't want to get secondhand herp. They head inside, and Sammi writes, "Never fall in love in Miami" on the blackboard.

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Jersey Shore




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