Jersey Shore

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now!
Kraft Disservice

Previously: Snooki had it bad for Vinny. Then she and Deena went on a bad trip to Times Square, courtesy of The Situation. And Ronnie was just plain bad for Sammi, so she left. But now she's baaaaaaaack!

We rejoin the scene in progress: Sammi rides back to the shore house, and Ronnie is blissfully ignorant as he prepares Ron Ron Juice for the gang. Sammi enters amidst one of Ronnie's corny jokes. Everyone hugs her, and he makes a point of cranking up the blender to underscore the chaos her return will bring about. As Sammi walks upstairs, Vinny asks the others if he just experienced a dream. Ronnie interviews that he wouldn't have minded if Sammi stayed away for a few more days. He says, "She walked into the door, and I was just like, 'F-M-L.'" You and me both, mister. Mark this as the second occasion ever that I have agreed with Ronnie. Because, seriously, who leaves on such a ridiculous note, then returns without a single word of warning? Sammi "Sweetheart," that's who.

Ronnie goes out for a stress smoke while Sammi goes upstairs to let a Snooki and Deena know she's back. Snooki spills a huge mug full of water (or, more likely, vodka) as she hugs Sammi, and Deena tells us that she was "huh-static," which she defines as, "you know, when you're, like, super-happy and, like... really happy." Downstairs, Vinny gives Ronnie a subtle but firm warning to cut out the fighting from now on. The guys discuss that they didn't even realize Sammi was gone. Which is a flagrant lie because Ronnie was moping around like a punk for the last 60 hours until Sitchy's little Times Square taxi prank. Nonetheless, it does seem that Sammi's return disturbed a delicate ecosystem that had finally reached its homeostasis.

In any case, both Sammi and Ronnie insist they're going to be their single selves. Sammi even paid a visit to the nail salon so she could come correct on her return to Seaside Heights. Ronnie lumbers back inside, and Sammi tells him that he looks very pale. He tells her that it's because he just saw a ghost, then laughs a little too hard and is joined by no one else. Aw-kward!!!!!

The girls head outside and tell Sammi how depressed and forlorn Ronnie was without her. Sammi feels like Ronnie should feel that way after all he put her through. Back inside, the guys are likewise sympathizing with Ronnie, including an extended session of imitating Sammi interrogating the other girls about Ronnie's comings-and-goings while she was gone. Based on this impression, I'd advise these guys to stick to their day jobs. Oh wait! They don't have any. Pauly sums it up best: "What a fuckin' joke!" And Ronnie ices the cake: "The joke's on me, huh?"

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Jersey Shore




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