Jack & Jill
When You Wish Upon A Car

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When You Wish Upon A Car

Previously: Jack and Jill get trapped overnight in their building's laundry room. Jack and Jill have meat dreams about the other. Jack asks if things would've been different if they'd met sooner or later. Jill is saved from answering. Elispa meets her dream guy hopping into a cab. After a single night together, he takes off and tells her she doesn't want to get involved with him. Then he changes his tune and decides he's not "horrible."

Magical realism time, kids! What you need: Realistic setting offset with innocent symbols of childhood; twinkling lights of Manhattan; tinkling bells of ice-cream truck juxtaposed with blaring car alarm. Please note that when diluting all the precepts of magical realism, make sure you start with a shot of a blandly handsome second-rate TV star and his enormous cleft chin. Jill rolls over and grabs his Pottery Barn alarm clock (set at 2 AM) to glare at it. He stares angrily into space.

Overhead shot of ice-cream truck with a purple hood and top. Jill emerges from the building in pajamas and overcoat and walks over to the ice cream truck. He says hi to the cute old man, who, as Sars and the gang at the Jack & Jill forum pointed out, has been in films from Roxanne to Scrooged, which means he's already had more of a film career than anyone on this show will. Twinkly old man smiles back with childlike yet all-knowing innocence. "I'm glad I wasn't asleep," says Jack, stumbling out. "You too?" Jill says. Jill says he'll fix the alarm and asks the ice-cream guy if he minds if he tries. Jack asks if he even knows what he's doing. Jill says of course he does and fumbles around. After three seconds, Jack says to let her try. This oughta be good, Jill snerks. Jack climbs into the cab of the truck. The cute little old man twinkles at her as she yanks and pulls at anything resembling a handle on the dashboard. Various things happen at once: the windshield wipers go on, Jill pops the hood up, and just as Jack yanks out the radio, the alarm stops. Jack then turns to the old man with a look of goony triumph on her face, except that she looks JUST like one of the evil creatures out of The Dark Crystal. Hats off to you, Jim Henson Puppet Workshop -- at this point in the show I dropped my cereal bowl (Special K) out of sheer fright. It's off, Jack says in triumph. The cute old man nods in agreement. What'd I do? she asks. You yanked the radio out of the dashboard, says the little old man, "but he [Jill] turned off the alarm." Jill appears at the old man's window, waving a couple of wires. He declares it was nothing, just fiddling with a few things under the hood. I ask anyone with mechanical aptitude if this is actually where a car's alarm would be placed, because I doubt this show's ability to document the process of hand-washing accurately, but I'm too tired to do any real research on the topic. Anyway, Jack says she's going to bed. Jill waves goodbye. Jack says, "Here," and hands the little old man his radio. The little old man turns to Jill and says, "Young man, you showed me a great kindness. Now I will help you." The little old man speaks with a total lack of inflection and sounds doped to the eyeballs. Jill says it was his pleasure. The little old man asks what's his wish. Jill says, "Um, I'll have a drumstick." The little old man smiles patiently and says, "No, no, your greatest wish. It'll come true." The little old man nods cutely at him and twinkles. Jill gives him an "I'm humoring you" nod. The little old man drives off, and tosses Jill a drumstick and the wires to the dismantled car alarm.

Cue annoying "doo-doo-woo-woo" song and the credits. MAN, this cast is white! Unbelievably white! It's like David Duke works at the WB! I bet each and every person on this cast is a HUGE Dave Matthews fan.

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Jack & Jill

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