I Love Money

Episode Report Card
Lady Lola: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Bed-Sore Losers

Last week on I Love Money, the teams formed after a challenge involving stuffing money down players' bikinis. Hoopz and Whiteboy were most successful at stripperobics, earning them spots as team captains and first dibs not only on which hos and would-be-pimps would join them on their respective teams, but also which player would go home. In the end, Midget Mac and his much-needed subtitles were rendered "VOID" after he managed to offend pretty much everyone -- no small feat in this esteemed group.

It's a new day in the Ninth Circle, and Mr. Boston wakes up to a stream of water that 12 Pack pours on his face. 12 Pack subsequently interviews that he has a strong team... of which Boston is not a member. His teammates, instead, are Heather, Hoopz, Rodeo, The Entertainer, Toastee, Pumkin, and Nibblz. On behalf of the Green Team, Chance lets out a stream of gibberish that translates roughly to "My team sucks," but reminds us of his alliance with Real and Whiteboy. Also on the green team, we have Megan, Brandi C., Destiney, Heat, and Mr. Boston. Out at the reflecting pool, Nibblz porpoises around and affirms that she will prove herself to her teammates this week. She already did push-ups for them, so that's one down. Only about five million other questionable traits to go!

CJ sends a message to the teams about their first challenge. Their first order of business is to pick new team captains. They will rotate team captain before every challenge, and no one player can be team captain two weeks in a row. CJ concludes his message by telling them the winning team will have immunity "and all the power," while the losing team will have to elect three suckers for the chopping block.

Chance immediately jumps at the opportunity to become Team Captain. Destiney VOs that his leadership skillz are in question. We flash back to Chance refusing to participate in the last challenge by comparing his hair to Teen Wolf. Awesome. Boston also doubts Chance's prowess but plans to lay back and gain trust while forming brilliant machinations for his Bullshitvik Revolution.

Rodeo unanimously wins Gold Team captain. 12 Pack suggests team members discuss their strengths. Nibblz admits she's for shit at teamwork but can arm wrestle like a mofo. Pumkin's greatest skill, which will surely be used in all the trials to come, is... cheerleading! Bitch even admits she's "one of the weakest members on the team...if not the weakest." Rodeo awkwardly tries to encourage Pumkin but, in an interview, admits that Pumkin and Toastee are the lamest players. Gold Team concludes with a huddle where they can barely manage to shout in unison. Go team!

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I Love Money

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